@Machinist
@lemmy.worldCishet male. In no way do I mean offense or have I tried to take advantage of lower functioning individuals, that's just sick. Best I can figure, I'm a typical. Maybe I'm a little crazy; but who isn't.
During a discussion about my son's neurodivergency, I realized I have a 'type' of woman. (Son is technically stepson, but he's my boy.) I tend to be attracted to high functioning women that are on the spectrum.
I've been in four relationships with divergent women, three serious and two extended friends with benefits. I've been in two serious relationships with typical women. Many flings with typical women. Figure that's pretty statistically unlikely.
In my experience, divergent women tend to have a refreshing openness in communication. Painfully honest. Direct. They have some weird stuff that can be alternately cute and irritating. When sleeping they either don't like to snuggle or like being an octopus. (My preference is octopus but my wife only tolerates some side contact.) They like to discuss instead of argue. Sexually adventurous and willing to work for satisfaction. They prefer precision in statements. I find myself writing in an extended way that I don't engage in with other people and try and pay attention to grammar and punctuation. Pretty sure this doesn't apply to all women on the spectrum, just my 'type'.
I dunno, just a strange realization, especially at this stage of life. It's not a fetish, just something that has occurred.
I'm 30 hours into a real bad trip. Didn't do it on purpose. Was cutting angel trumpet with an knife, was burning theroots.
Good thing Im experienced. Hospital would have been expensive.
This is some real bad shit. It's not fun. Stay away. Brugmanssia, Datura, hogweed, voodoo vine, don't fuck with it
Edit: waking up again, talked to my girl, she's okay. Have a unreal headache like a hangover. Going back to sleep. Typing is still difficult.
Edit: holy shit, still coming down. Trying for more sleep. I poisoned myself on accident. This is the nastiest thing I've ever run in to and I have experience. Please be careful around Angel trumpet and daura and such.
Edit: the boy is making me drip-drop electrolyte drink. I ate some olives. Ate some canned fruit. He found me some crackers. He's tired of hearing me tell him I love him. We're all going to be okay. It was close.
Edit: my fucking head hurts. Been a rough time. Think I'll be able to sleep hard soon. Walked to the corner store and back. Bought the boy every twix they had.
Edit. Now able to spit, gag and hork. Had hiccups for a while but didn't puke. Digestive system is waking back up. Had cotton mouth for two day des.
Edit. I'm down. Heavy shakes. 2:45am. Had to sleep with the light on in the bathroom. Going back to sleep in a minute. I just about died and now hurt all over. Real sleep is so nice. Y'all take care.
Edit. 7:00am. Just got off the phone. I've put my girl through a bad scare. She's happy now, says I sound more normal. Sense of smell is returning. Boy is still asleep. We're taking the day off, can load the truck tomorrow. Head hurts, ears are ringing. Drinking water and thinking about some coffee.
Edit: 10:46am. Speech continues to improve. Put hydrocortisone cream on my arms at my wife's direction.She's a RN. Boy fed me a coke and a liquid IV. Was able to take a hard piss earlier.
Edit: 11:40am 7-29-24. Here are some pictures of the rash on my arms and hands as well as the flowers. https://imgur.com/a/CqPl8AT
Edit: 1:49pm 7-29-24. The boy and I are watching Steve1989 eat some real old Twinkies. Clear fluid coming out of the sores on my hands and arms. The girl and I researched. Don't think there has been kidney or liver damage.
Edit: 10:04pm. 7-29-24. Sent my son to take a shower, going to brush his hair out. Will be going to bed shortly. We watched documentaries about beaches, cars, and guns. I've eaten crackers, cheese, Spaghetti O's and jello. Have a truck to load and a house to clean tomorrow.
Edit: 6:21pm 7-30-24. Rash continues to develop. https://imgur.com/a/gvE7wO5 Was able to do a limited amount of work today. Canceled the appointment with realtor for tomorrow. Have eaten around 5-650 calories and will try some chicken soup in a little while. Used shopping bags as gloves to put the exposed clothing in the trash. Took a short walk. Arms itch something fierce, face feels sunburned. We're watching Lassie on YouTube.
Edit: 6:09am 8-1-24. Had over a 1000 calories yesterday and was able to eat a pb&j. Most calories are coming from boost meal replacement drink. Had a much better night, was able to fall asleep around 1:00am. Been up and down several times. Lot of heavy sweating while asleep.
Think the reishi tea I drank last night kicked in. (Have used reishi I collect for around twenty years as a general healing and health agent as well as for my autoimmune disorder. Swelling of rashes is down as is the itching. Ganoderma applantum is the variety I find in the southern woods, usually yellow or cream but occasionally brown. Lighter the color, the more bitter it is, seems to work better. Have a bunch of Turkey Tail, Trametes versicolor, but don't think it's indicated. My belief in the usefulness of Reishi is anecdotal and may be placebo but I'll take what I can get.)
Had normal dreams, normal for me, I guess. Only got a bullet graze once in the dreams. Feel fairly normal, still a little weak but much more improved. Was able to turn off the music and sleep without it in the night. Was able to quit focusing as heavily on my heart and always having to slow it. Going to try and snooze a little, will look for vitamins
Like this is hitting me real hard. I can feel the sadness and the fight. They're good boys and and don't deserve what's coming down. They have some good religion. I'd like to be like these men. We fight for the ones we love.
In the final stages of moving from the deep south to a northern state.
I used to run a shop under a corporation. Long story, but I integrated the shop, and built something beautiful. I had to use a temp service to do a lot of my hiring, I hired lots of black folks because they were undervalued and I could give them a good environment and pay. Was just starting to hire women. COVID and Qanon blew it the fuck up.
Tomorrow I'll be having lunch with two of my former crew. One of them is the only man I've ever called brother. He was my neighbor and best friend for years. I would have trusted him to help me hide a body. The other feller was a kind and gentle guy, had a bad divorce but was a teddy bear, was on the road back up.
They both went down the rabbit hole real bad.
I miss who they were and the shop we had. It was fucking jazz. I protected all of them from corporate. We made shit happen. I fought to get them more money and got fucked over myself.
I've lost my parents, my grandfather, my aunts and uncles and cousins to the insanity. Thank jeebus my grandmothers and one grandfather are dead.
Tomorrow I'm going to hug my brother and tell him goodbye. He isn't really my brother anymore. I don't trust him. I love him. He's not the man I knew.
It hurts a lot. It broke my heart.
*Edit
Lunch was good but rough. My son got to see me cry for the first time, afterwards, so I guess that was good.
Then my closest former friend came over this evening. Texted my girl:
"Holy fuck. Joe has some sort of grandpa weed that he he'd be saving. I hit once and I'm all fucked up. They smoked a whole blunt. Then I learned about how taking ivermectin was a good preventative and that Susan is actually a Mayan priestess discovered through astral projection."
Have lived in the deep south my entire life. Things went really badly during 2020 and we realized we needed to get out. Started saving and preparing, our plan was to move before the next election.
We have bought a 1920's farmhouse that still has 9 acres. 100 year old apple trees, blueberries, vineyard. It's amazing. Part of the land is industrial zoned with power and I'm going to build my machine shop there. We got a steal of a deal, it would be a $500k house and land here.
I bought a '98 Chevy box truck. The boy and I will be making our second trip tomorrow.
I use a Das Keyboard 4 Ultimate with cherry blues and love it. Have a good friend who likes using her grandson's gaming keyboard that I think is a nice membrane keyboard. She was interested in my keyboard as it is mechanical like the old keyboards she used back in the day.
We are both office users, not gamers.
I don't want to spend the $179 for a keyboard that might not be what she wants and there are better options now, from what I understand.
Can you please recommend a cherry blue mechanical with a number pad and a steel back plane?
Atheist. Raised fundamentalist baptist.
Alcoholic. Detoxing myself. Down to roughly two 100 proof shots every 4 hrs during the day. 8 shots in cabonated water last night. Went to bed at 10:30 PM, up at 2:00 AM for two shots. Two shots at 7:30 AM. Lowest I've been in at least a year.
Fucking hurts.
I hurt. I hurt all the the fucking time. My belly hurts. I'm reducing my drinking but it really sucks. The withdrawals suck real bad.
Lost my colon to U.C. Have a bag on my belly.
I have to move my family out of the south. I have to be physically able to do it. We have to get out.
If I get them out maybe I they'll be able to live happy.
I just want to die. I want the pain to stop. I don't let my people know. They can't do it without me.
I'm tired. I hurt all the time. I'm tired of hurting. I could turn it off, but I don't for now. I'm tired of the pain. I love them and they need me. I just want to make sure they're in a good place, away from here. Then I can finish it.