@Bat
@hexbear.net::: spoiler spoiler I can't do it, it gives me too much dysphoria to do so I just sit. Plus it's been so long idk if I could without getting piss on myself and that's not something I'm going to test :::
Finally been doing some world building again, it's been a while
This flag is for the country that my fursona lives in, which draws inspiration from early Soviet Union/early East Germany + the American Great Lakes region. The working name for it is North Brunswick but idk if I'll stick with that, idk how I feel it being named after a real world location
::: spoiler dysphoria I was drawing my fursona and I’m still working out her proportions and I accidentally made her have a way more feminine figure than normal. Seeing a disconnect between an anthropomorphic representation of myself and my actual body gave me a shit ton of jealousy and dysphoria and I had to stop drawing for the night. God why am I like this :::
::: spoiler CW ::: spoiler suicide mention Getting more side effects from my meds. Last night I almost fainted when laughing and had to lay on the floor for a bit, this morning I got a nose bleed which used to regularly happen to me but hasn't in years. Now I just have this vague sense of unwellness, like something bad is going to happen but I don't know what. On top of all of that I feel like the Wellbutrin is becoming less effective in combating my depression
First I had the whole manic episode, then the sleeping problems, now this. Goddammit I just want to to live life without wanting to blow my brains out. Still dealing with all of this shit is better than being suicidal, I just wish I could be happy without medical intervention
I take fucking 9 pills a day just to make life bearable, this shit sucks :::
::: spoiler spoiler I'm on Lexapro and Wellbutrin right now. I think it's the Lexapro that's causing this because I got my dose upped recently and that started making sleeping worse. Hoping it passes soon :::
::: spoiler spoiler I'm probably shouldn't have called it cringe, I've just got a bad habit of undercutting myself that I need to stop doing. And thank you, it's still a couple weeks away which is going to be an agonizing wait
I used to never try and find meaning in dreams or any other thing like that, but that opinion has been changing a lot recently. Idk what to pull from it though, that I'm uncomfortable with my body? Or that I was scared during my childhood and never worked through that baggage? Idk :::