https://thehardtimes.net/culture/commander-biden-bites-all-221-house-republicans-seizes-speakership/
Commander Biden, President Joe Biden’s two-year-old German Shepard, reportedly bit every single Republican in the House of Representatives before seizing the body’s speakership.
I would unironically vote for some dog or cat over 99.99999999999999% of humanity at this point if given the option.
And that 00.000000000000001% is Jon Stewart, cause why the hell not? He's got free time now 🤷♂️ and we haven't tried Democratic TV show host comedian yet on the Bingo chart.
“That son-of-a-bitch burst through the door into my office like a bat out of hell. He immediately set his teeth to my left calf and would not let go for what felt like an eternity,” said the outraged McHenry. “As I howled in pain, that damn dog leapt onto my desk and seized the House gavel. ‘No you don’t! Drop it! Drop it!’ I yelled as I turned quickly to grab the other end. We then began to engage in a rancorous tug-of-war; one that continued for nearly 10 minutes. Ultimately, he bested me and took off, gavel in mouth"
Here, here.