Oh, you know what? You could bitch about anything couldn't you? We're going to get a fighter jet, and you're worried about chicks. What chicks are we gonna pick up, man? And secondly, how are you gonna pick up chicks in a car that looks like that?
And it’s really hard to have sex in a fighter jet. It's not exactly a roomy interior.
For having sex, the best experience is a minivan.
I discover the crashed F35 in my lone walk in the woods. As I start to take it apart for parts, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Lockheed. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the feds come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of FBI. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Lockheed to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the F35
Great BBQ. Those rednecks do NOT fuck around with a pork shoulder. Charleston has really great food. Also, the hunley museum is pretty cool.
Otherwise, it's great if you also happen to be into book burning, or if you're a completionist collecting STDs.
Call the number on one of the "Plane missing! Have you seen me? ✈️ ✈️ ✈️" posters the Air Force put up all over the neighborhood.
turns up with weirdly f35 fighter jet shaped stomach. No, officer! I have never seen any jet, none at all! Nope, not a single tasty fighter jet around here! hic
Hotbox the cockpit. And this would only be the 2nd time I hotboxed the cockpit of a fighterjet.
Ha, I thought nobody would ask. It probably will be quite a disapointing story though, sorry.
Anyway, I was on holiday in Slovakia and basically, they just have old sovjet jets sitting around. We visited a very small "airport" (the runway was grass) used for skydiving. And they just had a MiG-21 sitting behind the building. No fence or anything. One of the Skydiving company staff said I can sit in it, if I want. So I did. He didn't come with me or anything. It was also out if sight from anyone on the airfield.
Apperently this isn't unusual at all and these planes are just sitting around in random fields as "decoration".
Here's a googlemaps link. I sat in that one!
You've just given me a goal, except the only place I know with airplanes laying around is a museum. I'd feel bad hotboxing a plane in a museum.
I’d feel bad hotboxing a plane in a museum.
Yeah, don't do that. To be honest, I didn't even close the canopea fully, I worried about not getting out. I sat on the wing for most of the lenght of the joint.
But It sounded much cooler this way.
I could call up my acquaintance with a cessna, but he doesn't know I smoke. He's a little too, uh, mormon for that conversation.
a cessna
That's not a fighter jet.
Just visit eastern Europe.
There was another plane, I think a MiG-15, that was literally just sitting in the middle of nowhere next to a hayball. We were just driving past it. I tried to find it on google maps, but it was many years ago and I just can't remember the route .. or any waypoint.
That's indeed disappointing, I thought "hotbox a cockpit" meant to fart inside! Anyway, still a nice story.
Assuming I could figure out how to turn that thing on, I would definitely:
take off
Knew you meant it as a joke but i thought it interesting to share that Fighters don't have a simple "start" button, here's a F-16 startup sequence for reference.
Most of that isn't involved in actually starting the plane.
They are things that would be good to have done to fly safely. Something analogous to turning on and tuning the radio in a car. You can absolutely start the engine and drive the car without doing that.
Limp to the bar, stumble away from the bill.
Ejection seats often cause career-ending musculoskeletal injuries to the lumbar spine and hips. It's is a very violent way to leave an airplane, but much less violent than the alternative.
There's also the teensy problem of the last guy to fly the plane took the seat with him.
Sit in the cockpit and make plane, missile, and machine gun noises since I don’t even know how to turn one on let alone fly it.
Since it tricked the pilot into ejecting, I assume it's gone feral and is still buzzing around looking for a mate. If I didn't have a big net to snag it in, I'd have to build a wooden decoy or perhaps just leave a paddling pool full of jet fuel out in a clearing. I'd keep my distance at first and try to gain it's trust.
Assuming no consequences, I'd love to open various panels and try and figure out what does what. It'd be really cool to see inside one of those.
get as far away as possible, the smoldering wreckage will be full of toxic gasses and contaminants
Treat that mid thirties lady to a nice relaxing spa day. Somewhere romantic, lots of targets and no hard deck.
Use it to fly back home, realize I don’t know how to fly. I’d assume crash after that, but there’s a good chance I wouldn’t be able to figure out how to turn it on, in which case I’d take a bus.