Yeah I would definitely talk to a (Hopefully allied) therapist.
I have a theory that when you're wondering about something like transition, you want a clear answer. If I try something sort of gender neutral but on the other side, well people might not notice and also I might not get a big feeling from it. If I try something more extreme, maybe I'll feel a stronger reaction and figure out "omg this is what I needed" or "no I definitely don't actually want this afterall".
Oh, I don't wonder. I've never been more sure. I've ditched all my old clothes, and have been wearing leggings and tank tops the entire time. Since coming out to my family, I'm less nervous to go out. I've even felt comfortable enough to use the women's room!
I did a thought experiment with my son yesterday while playing GTA with him, and redid my character as my transition goals, not some gross charicature of what I think I'll look like (how they have a hundred hair styles and they all suck idk. Maybe it's just my potato computer) It was so enthralling, and he redid his character with his goals. I didn't know I wanted tattoos and ear piercings 😳 and when I got into my favorite car, woo. I want to wear booty shorts and crop tops, and am so looking forward to when I feel more comfortable to wear it.
My son is trying to take a bit better care of himself since he tasted euphoria. I've started taking better care of myself since I've started my journey. Brushing my teeth more, shaving daily(someone said the other day, having the right goals is a great motivator), caring more about my hair, my presentation. I just thought I needed to put on clothes and look semi decent. Now I care about my appearance. I care if I wear ratty clothes now.
Definitely talk with your therapist about these feelings.
I think we all go through a "slutty" stage in dress or actions after spending so much time trying to repress and hide it our true selves. It's kinda like making up for missed opportunities and Finding ourselves.
It's just, if you made a Venn Diagram of a year ago me objectively describing physical attributes I found hot in a woman, and my transition goals, I think it would just be a circle. I want long blonde hair, sky blue nails, not afraid to show off her body. I keep calling it sluttiness, but, it's probably just confidence. Confidence is sexy after all. Confidence in myself and my body, to think I'm hot shit. Not in a condescending way, mind you. I've been talked down to enough to know how it feels.
nothing wrong with being slutty or having multiple partners of any kind! do whatever feels right :3
Yeah, but it would be weird in a few years when I start dating again for my kids to meet a different date of the week, if I brought any one home. Idk. It's waaaaaay to early to even think about that. I don't even think I've started to grieve properly. I kinda think I'm happier, in a way, that she's gone.
The kids shouldn’t be meeting your date of the week, they need something more stable than that (in my opinion of course, no shame). I have always been the type to want to know who I’m introducing to my kids, and I’ve seen enough of my divorced friends get pissed about it or hold each other to different standards that I wouldn’t want to have to go through it myself.