I feel weird about these kinds of things people say.
I get it's coming from a kind place, and I guess that for some people it might help and give them strength to keep going, but for me... It feels like being coddled.
Let me make my position very clear, I'm talking about the conflation of what you are with how you look.
Not all women look femme. And while OP has expressed in other comments that she has feminine characteristics (while she discounts them, despite being important (hey OP, a feminine voice is a Very feminine thing to have, it might contribute a lot to you being seen as a femboy)), you haven't seen how she looks in order to call how she looks 'femme'.
::: spoiler How I personally feel
Femme means something specific. I'm a slightly dysphoric enby, who looks more masc than I want, and when people who know, try to tell me I look femme, I (do get euphoric, and then) ask them why. And honestly, if they don't have a good vibe of understanding what they're saying, it feels disingenuous, and it feels bad. Like a confirmation that they don't see the femme parts that are here.
:::
On top of everything else, people could still be in the process of becoming what they want to look like. I personally prefer to hear others' honest impressions, in order to understand how to better change, if I so desire. I guess there's a need for both feedback and validation, and I prefer that each person give of what they actually have to give, what they actually do think.
::: spoiler To OP:
OP, stay strong, it sounds like you're making some tough decisions, based on your living conditions. I do think that, if you can't actually come out as a trans woman, coming out as a femboy might make you go through 2 easier, but still difficult situations, rather than one very difficult one. Coming out is never over anyway, and details always change in one's life, but do the best your senses tell you you can do, they're usually your best bet, since you know your life. Your gut can take a lot more information in to make a decision, than other people can, or even your logical side can. You sound like you have the perseverance for this. Good luck, and have fun with your journey!
:::