Lemmings of AskLemmy, what are your best dumb jokes?

A duck walks into a bar wearing one shoe. The bartender says "hey buddy, you lost a shoe" and the duck says "nah, I found one!"

• What’s brown and sticky?
• A stick

An underage weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says "sorry, I can't serve you alcohol, you're too young". The weasel replies that's ok, I'll drink something else. The bartender says "well I have water, soda pop, and cranberry juice, what'll it be?"

"Pop!" goes the weasel

How do think the unthinkable?

With an itheberg.

I called the wrong number today. I said 'Hello, is Joey there?'

A woman answered and she said 'Yes he is.'

And I said ‘Can I speak to him please?’

She said ‘No, he can’t talk right now, he’s only two months old.'

I said 'Alright, I’ll wait

I'm sorry for spamming Steven Wright jokes. I'll stop now

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

I asked my North Korean friend how things are back at home.

He said he can't complain.

What do you call an elephant that can only be accessed remotely?

Telephant

Yes, I'm a dad, how did you know?

The dumbest joke I know is a knock knock Joke and goes like this. You first have to make the person you're telling the joke to start saying "knock knock", then you you say, "who's there?".

Proceed to watch the other person confused about what to do next 😅

Why did the farmer win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says: "Did you know you have a steering belt attached to your crotch?" The pirate answers: "Yarr, it be driving me nuts!"

I broke a mirror in my house, and you’re supposed to get seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

I dipped my balls in glitter.

Pretty nuts, right?

what's red and smells like blue paint?

red paint.

Timing.

What is the most important aspect to remember when telling a joke?

I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.

An English breakfast has up to 9 ingredients, an American breakfast as many as 10, but in France 1 egg is enough.

Brian and Bob were walking through the forest when they came across a set of tracks.

"Those are cougar tracks!" Bob exclaimed.

"Hell, no! Those are coyote tracks." Brain said.

"I'm tellin' you, I've been out in these woods since I was little, and those are cougar tracks!"

"There's no cougars in this part of the country. Those are coyote tracks!"

Then they both got hit by a train.

Why did the orchestra get struck by lightning?

It was because they had an excellent conductor.