I'd want a toilet that was not just a fan of human waste, but a connoisseur. We could have lively chats about what I've eaten lately, and the toilet can provide dietary recommendations and real-time waste monitoring for potential issues.
"Sir, you have really been overdoing it with the greasy food lately. I have to recommend that you add more fruits and vegetables to your regime, and I would politely request asparagus at least once a week. I'm also concerned about your cholesterol..."
add more fruits and vegetables to your regime
Instructions unclear, on my way to overthrow central and south american governments
Anyway, I'd go with the craves toilet. I don't want to be hated by a sentient shitter.
Fyi this question originated from Allen Pan (from safety third podcast, and failed mythbuster)
I just can't bend it that way in my mind. It's in my toilet's nature to swallow my shit, and I need it as much as it needs me. I'll forgive it the occasional unsolicited comment.
Well, if it has a tongue that means it probably developed alongside us evolutionarily - right?
Like this is no longer "your toilet is possessed by someone with a scat fetish". Not if it has a tongue, that means this is a biological creature that lives off of our shit. Considering the value feces has in regards to replenishing nutrients in soil, we should probably consider these toilets some kind of parisitic - or more accurately symbiotic being. Sort of like a mimic, only it eats your shit.
Why did I think of this? Why would I take the time to use my precious fucking neurons conjuring up the beginnings of "shit eating mimic" taxonomy? Well, you asked "What if it has a tongue...". The answer is that you would probably be used to it, and it would probably lick your asshole.
You did this. I want you to know this is your fault.