I live in a major city but like I’m in a bad neighborhood so there’s only one grocery store within 5 miles. It makes no sense. A food desert in a major city so that I’m forced to drive just to like get screws from a hardware store or toilet paper or something
Our US city (pop 180k, metro 600k) is just about to lose the last downtown grocery store.
Generations of city councils have allowed (or encouraged!) the demolition of all housing in the city core to replace it with parking lots.
There's almost no one left downtown so the city itself is dying. It's just kind of rotting away. There's currently at least some effort to reverse the trend, but the vice grip that car oriented everything has on people is terrifying to politicians.
Same. My work is only a mile away but there are hardly any sidewalks and I often have to walk next to roads going like 40 mph. Plus all of the intersections and crosswalks are catered for car travel, meaning there has to be absolutely zero cars to give you the signal to walk. Crossing a single crosswalk "legally" takes like 5 or 10 mins of waiting.
In Amsterdam the crosswalks are catered for pedestrians and you typically only need to wait 15-30 seconds as they don't mind stopping a few cars.
Same. I got kicked out of a therapy group for the self-destructive today, fifth time something like this happened based on rumors that made people in charge think "we make a living encouraging people to be satisfied with life, but this woman doesn't deserve it."
It sounds like that those therapy groups suck, honestly.
I've never tried groups, but I found a really amazing therapist so they exist, hope you find one who helps you.
Before that stroke of luck, I found a few books that helped me a lot with self sabotaging and other issues. If you're interested, I could share.
Best of luck out there.
Eating out of stress or boredom instead of when I'm actually hungry. I am getting better, but still, sometimes work pisses me off so much it's back to angrily stuffing whatever food I have on hand into my gaping maw...
I want to stop ruminating about things I wish I would have said or some stupid thing I did say or why did I do that
Forgiving yourself is difficult. You have grown enough to realize what you did was dumb. Whenever your brain decides to throw a random cringe memory in your face, consciously tell yourself you’re better now and you forgive yourself for your mistakes. It helped me.
To get out of those spirals, I just remind myself that I've probably forgotten hundreds of things other people probably regret saying/doing, and odds are most people probably forgot mine. Even if I'm sure someone didn't forget it, I doubt they ever think about it anymore.
That might work until you remember that time someone made a fool out of themselves in front of you.
My ruminations got so bad after a pretty shitty breakup I had to get help....my journey brought me to medication. Depression and adhd (fluoxetine and vyvanse/adderall) meds brought brain silence that almost made me cry when they started working.
Working “full time”. I love what I actually do at work (generally) but like… doing it 9-6 five days a week is so fucking draining. It feels like working defined hours for the sake of working in those hours. Obviously for most jobs the hours spent working do matter, but for software development it may actually be counterproductive as being tired fucks up your productivity hard
It's kind of funny. When I'm working on my own stuff, I could easily dump like 60+ hours a week into it. But once there's an obligation to work on something, especially if it's scheduled, 40 is unbearable.
Yep, my experience exactly. It’s mostly because I can define my own hours when working for myself. But also - When I’m working for someone else there’s also a nagging feeling that I’m pissing away my life force if I go as much as a single hour over.
Same. Idike to tone it down to 32h/week or even better 24h/week. So 8, respectively 6 hours a day for four days. Working for a non-profit organisation and even though we a trade agreement, because we're unionised, living in a city on my own I couldn't pay the bills if I'd cut hours.
Where you’re at now sounds particularly bad, but having worked fully remotely for a few years myself, it definitely isn’t guaranteed to be better for your work-life balance. It’s difficult to separate the two spheres for one thing, and you can still end up in a situation where you may get requests, messages and pings come through at any time, constantly.
I’ve worked for roughly half a dozen employers so far. In my experience an employer may SAY they value employee work-life balance, that’s no guarantee they actually will. They may also genuinely believe they prioritise it, but still fall hugely short of what other employers can offer.
Fuck burnout culture though. Also fuck teams that celebrate “heroes”
Yes and in fact I do. Unfortunately it doesn’t help with the sense of “rigidity” of the schedule and how draining it is
This isn’t a personal habit but flying. If I could never ever in my life ever have to go through a stupid security theater checkpoint at an airport and then board a plane and sit like a sardine for hours on end…
Too bad I live in public transit shithole USA
I live in the US too, but thanks to my patented secret* I rarely fly at all!
*Being poor
I just splurged and took a flight on JSX airlines, which is effectively a semi-private jet.
The cost was roughly double what Southwest would be.
What I got for my money was:
No TSA. Just a cursory screening that took the same amount of time as just walking without stopping
No terminal. Instead you go directly to the hangar equipped with leather couches and free espresso (though no food options)
You can carry on liquids
Only need to show up twenty minutes before departure
Free checked bags that are waiting for you plane side when you land. No baggage claim. It's just... Right there waiting for you.
Free drinks and snacks including alcohol which were served as doubles by default
Free Wi-Fi
No seats next to mine. The plane is fifteen rows of one seat on each side of the plane
The flight attendant gave service like it was the seventies - like it really mattered that every passenger had everything they needed. She even noticed a passenger with a blazer folded across his nap, so she took it and hung it in the closet in the front of the plane.
Naturally, the big airlines are trying to shut JSX down, including but not limited to a campaign that such an operation is a threat to national security. I find it ironic that Southwest is leading this litigation after themselves fighting through decades of court cases and legislation for the right to fly out of Dallas unencumbered.
They don't fly many places, but if they have a route I want available, I will certainly consider flying them again
I believe you that if you're paying 2x a traditional ticket price you get a better experience, but I would really just prefer high speed rail lines that can service many people at once, not a boutique experience catered to the wealthy.
As would I but I can't conjure up options that don't exist. I'm not wealthy enough to do what I did on a regular basis. Like I said, it was a splurge.
I'm feeling that!! I'm on summer break and i have so many things i need to do - even just simple paperwork that would yield $$ - but i can't get motivated.
Someone not too long ago asked me how I motivate myself, and I was quite puzzled by the question, like "what do you mean motivate myself? That's not how motivation works?", because to me motivation has always come from external sources, like people, situations, experiences etc. But no, apparently some (many? most?) people can somehow motivate themselves. I'd like to have that power please.
intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation.
You never do things for yourself? No hobbies or anything that are basically “pointless” aside from your own personal satisfaction? Never done something to challenge or better yourself with no reward from someone or something else?
Of course, I do things because they're fun to do. But those things don't require any effort. When people talk about motivating yourself it's usually about using the motivation as a tool to do things that take a lot of effort.
Fucking eating just too much that I can't meet my weight loss goals.
I'm not overweight by any means, but if I don't fix my diet, all the exercise I do isn't worth nearly as much.
Exercise isn't worth nearly as much as eating habits anyway.
A false narrative of exercise being like weight loss currency has been promoted for way too long.
When losing weight, it's "kilos in the kitchen, grams in the gym". You can lose weight with no exercise just with a caloric deficit.
Read "the hackers diet" or "the 4 hour body" for more info.
Yes and no.
You have to eat less than you consume, and going to the gym doesn't "burn calories" in a significant enough amount to make a difference. So there you're right.
However, the biggest factor in your consumption rate is how much muscle you have. You can be laying in bed, but your muscles still need feeding. You just don't keep muscles very long laying in bed all the time.
So, does the gym help weight loss? No, not directly, but increasing your muscle mass can.
to add to what you're saying It seems counterproductive to overemphasize exercise over diet or vice-versa. I think adding perspective also helps. -Doing a quick google search it's alleged that 1-lb of fat requires a caloric deficit of ~3500 calories. Walking 1-mile burns 100± calories which means it would require roughly 35-miles of walking to burn 1-lb of fat. -That's a challenging proposition to acheive without adding extra food just for increased energy and as you added, that doesn't necessarily account for increased muscle mass. It's also pretty easy to develop a nutritional deficiency through diet alone and speaking anecdotally, I've never achieved much weight loss without a combination of both diet and exercise.
No, but it can help you stay on track. If you're restricting calories, it gives you a little wiggle room.
Not encouraging you or anyone to take Ozempic but the fact that they work so well for weight loss proves that there is a biological pathway that reinforces overeating. It’s beyond the dopamine feedback loop - there is an actual biochemical reason that we are compelled to overeat. It validates the idea that being successful at weight management isn’t decided by willpower alone. Some people are just more biochemically predisposed to overeat.
These new GLP-1 receptor agonists have shown promise mitigating many compulsive behaviors from overeating to alcoholism to behavioral compulsions. It’s a new area of pharmacology and I’m super excited to watch them discover novel treatments for all manners of issues.
Running is surprisingly fun once you get in shape enough to enjoy it -- and has an effect on what i eat bc planning to go running later in the day has a pretty big effect on how mindfully i consume. I can't have a huge meal or chug water last minute and feel good while running.
I have never, ever, in my life enjoyed running. I never got up to long distances, but used to be able to do about 5k without too much trouble. An hour of swimming? No problem. 30 minutes of high intensity rowing? Happy to do that. Cycling 50k? I'm all over that. But running just makes me feel bad.
I have the opposite problem. I don't eat enough. On several occasions, I have gone upto 3 days without eating. Closer friends are often worried about my nutrition. It's gotten so bad, that my last 3 girlfriends have made it a topic in the relationship, while I have friends that let me come over for dinner literally any day I want. They then makes sure I eat enough.
To me, eating can be such a chore. It's like eating is something I have to do just like showering. I can find it rewarding on some occasions, but unlike showering when I feel brand new afterwards, once I eat, I get dumb, slow, bloated, and feel heavy. If I haven't eaten throughout the day, I feel light, energetic, focused, and free.
Anyway, I find it interesting to be on the other end of unhealthy eating continuum. What about eating makes it hard to stop?
Mmm food is delicious. I just ate a whole wheat sourdough pastry from a local bakery -- it was a bialy with caramelized onions. A very perfect summer Saturday snack.
Not a doctor but if you have some will try switching some meals to Soylent or another meal replacement drink. For the past ~7 years my breakfast and usually lunch has been Soylent, and I have a nice big real food meal for dinner.
It's really easy to track calories with meal replacement drinks and at least for me it's way healthier than what I was eating previously.
Yeah, chocolate Kachava was a big help for me when I was restricting calories. It's a healthy high protien meal that's more convenient than fast food. I added a banana and oat milk, and blended it with crushed ice for a nice smoothie.
Adhd meds helped with this, had a dopamine addiction that meant going ham on a lot of thing outside of food as well.
right now, job hunting, but as soon as i can stop job hunting, my answer will change to working.
Job hunting is so extraordinarily awful that I guarantee you I will overstay my welcome when I’m working for my next abusive and micromanaging boss.
Pro tip: delete the app on your phone. Needing to put in the website into the browser breaks the misscle memory and you can then easier replace it with something else.
Unfortunately I haven't yet convinced all my friends to go elsewhere, so I still need it as a communication platform
I'm surviving without it ... People just text me... never had one by choice so don't know about addiction but as with everything is best to just quit it definitely... Make a post saying you deleting your account and change the password to some random characters .... The social pressure of failing even to quit Instagram in front of everyone you know will definitely prevent any slip ...
Vaping nicotine. I know I can stop but it’s just a very difficult challenge for me. Still better than smoking cigs but I really need to let this vice go.
When I quit smoking I holed myself up in a dark room with provisions to last a week. It was hell but it worked.
The statements are both true. Also, the best way to get someone to accomplish something is to tell them it can’t be done.
Maybe if it's like doing the washing or sweeping the floor or something. For addicts it's just confirmation that they shouldn't try.
I made it a month once. It’s really seated as more of a psychological addiction for me. I am going to try reading Allen Carr’s “The Easy Way” for quitting vaping to see if I can start the brainwashing process of not “needing” this fix.
Chewing nicotine gum.
Havent had a smoke in years but trying to give the gum up means I turn into a raging asshole.
This is me but with the nicotine mints! I slowly started mixing in other "regular" mints, but it doesn't have the same kick! So after an extended period of time I get grumpy and just go back to the nicotine mints...
Maybe talk to your doctor about bupropion (wellbutrin/zyban). It's a unique antidepressant medication that work by inhibiting reuptake of norepinephrine and dopamine (other reuptake inhibitors focus mostly on serotonin or norepinephrine). When testing it, they found that many people stopped smoking, so it's now prescribed for people that want to stop using nicotine. You likey wouldn't be on it for long, just a few months until you get the cravings to stop and readjust your life to no nicotine.
No way, Ive been on the antidepressant merry-go-round before. They were not a pleasant experience for me.
When I used nicotine gum what I did was a started switching between the nicotine gum and regular gum. I eventually ran out of nicotine gum and just chewed regular gum for a while. I think the dependency and money is what pissed me off enough to stop, anger is always good motivation.
I want to stop being a perfectionist. I tend to overthink very simple tasks, trying to make sure I do things in the most efficient manner. Agonize over mistakes. I find it funny that I'm so critical of myself but I would never think to apply that to other people. I'm working on it, it's just very difficult
"Perfectionism is shame leaving the body." - The Daily Llama
But seriously, I think the majority of perfectionism is rooted in childhood shame. That comes from family that was overly critical, so we attempted to address it by being perfect. Maybe try messing things up in a safe manner on purpose to behaviorally teach yourself that it's okay to make mistakes.
That's a tough one. Sorry for whatever strated you down that path It can be mentally exhausting and isolating. I hope you figure a way out of it.
Overthinking everything and being a "perfectionist". So hard to finish or even start doing anything.
Shoot for getting about 70% right. That is about where the rest of the world ends up too. And the world is still turning. No need to drive yourself nuts doing the impossible.