Ladies and Gentlemen, it is currently a very delicate time in my life. Xi Jinping, the evil dictator of China, has stolen all 14 of my underage waifu body pillows, and I am in shock from the loss. It's really a hard period of time in my life, as the chinese regime is now targeting me personally. I have had to take 7 different pseudonyms to avoid CGB agents who are seeking to capture and torture me, and on numerous occasions I have been smuggled across borders to avoid being caught by the globalist communists.

As of right now I'm typing this through a quadruple-encrypted onion Shrek goblin ring with five layers of wholesome chungus bitcoin blockchain shields. Despite this the plainclothes chinamen police officers are closing in on my location, and they are trying to take away from me my last vestiges of sanity. Please donate to me through the link below:

This

I agree with good ideas, no matter left or right

Why do people argue when they could have a good ‘ol compromise?

I’m truly in the center, I think both sides are bad

Don’t folks who disagree a lot seem sad?

Now I think immigration is a delicate issue

Sure, they deserve rights but they’re stealing our jobs too

It might sound like I am sucking up to MAGAts

But I’m just being unbiased and that’s a fact

Yeah there’s income inequality but the poors are at fault

And if exploitation ceased then industry would halt

It’s because of society, I want to keep my guilt hazy

Yeah, it must be that those poor people are lazy

If you think I’m a fascist then sorry you’re wrong

I just think the white race needs more lebensraum

How hard is it to understand I’m no extreme

I stand for the middle, I never join teams

Maybe I want to genocide a few minorities,

But haven’t communist states also done bad deeds?

Stop it with your woke mind whataboutism

I never used any nazi euphemisms

So what if I want to kill some browns and yellows?

I’m still not a nazi, just an unbiased fellow

Why do leftists insist on criticizing me?

I’m not left or right, just center, why can’t they see?

Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves for the latest scheme of the evil Chinese Communist Party (CCP), whose sinister plan involves nothing less than stealing the world's carbon right out of the atmosphere. How nefarious, you might think. Let's dive into this evil plan!

Instead of ignoring the dire warnings of climate scientists and continuing to spew carbon dioxide into the atmosphere like the international community has done for decades, the CCP wants to capture it and store it safely. What's next? Preventing forest fires instead of letting them rage uncontrollably? How selfish of China not to consider how much profit we make rebuilding when people's houses get burned to the ground.

We've consulted with an expert, who agrees with our conclusion that the CCP's plan is to steal our carbon out of the atmosphere. The expert, who has asked to remain anonymous, stated the following: "I don't know exactly why they're doing it, but they're definitely up to no good." Truly chilling testimony!

Let's not forget the CCP's participation in international climate agreements and commitments to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. How cunning to want to work collaboratively with other nations to address the pressing issue of climate change. Clearly, they're just trying to divert attention away from their grand scheme of carbon larceny.

But their evil plot doesn't stop there, oh no! China has had the audacity to invest in renewable energy, public transportation, and electric vehicles. So, not only are they stealing our carbon, they're lowering their own emissions. At this rate, there won't be any carbon left for us!

I hope everyone reading this understands that this threat is extremely dire. We must all be wary of China's plan to preserve this planet for future generations!

I'm so fucking done, man.... sincerely.... I'm so fucking done....

With how evil the Imperialist Chinese and Colonialist BRICS empires are! They're, like, literally commiting indigenous genocide in Antarctica (that's what the K in BRICS is for, right?), and ruthlessly exploiting the locals for resources to fuel their cybernetic hypercapitalist engines of consumption! Look, I learned all of these leftist words, so I'm a leftist now!

The Free World™️ has once again sternly reprimanded those dirty yellows and their subhuman allies for their human rights abuses and mistreatment of indigenous Antarcticans. Says an anonymous citizen of Latin South Slovenia, "The Chinese are putting more pressure onto our government to join Genocide Putin in BRICS every day. Please save us daddy Biden!"

As millions of global southerners are being displaced and their homelands destroyed by Imperialist members of China's bloc of closet nazis, the Civilized World must take action now to prevent the destruction of potential resource deposi--- uh, I mean, allies around the globe.

Chip in a few cents to help defend the Free World™️ today!

::: spoiler sincerity Sorry if this is kinda short. I wrote this in like 5 minutes. :::

It was a chilly Autumn evening when 59 year old Cincinnati resident Robert Dale heard a knock on his door. "I was sittin' in my recliner, just watchin' football, then all of a sudden I got a knock on my door. I thought it was my grandkids..."

When Robert Dale opened his door, it was indeed his grandchildren. But he knew something was wrong the moment he saw their expressions.

"I tried to talk to them, but they would even listen to me. They were all on their smart phones and nothing I said or did would get em to put those darn things down.

When I got a glimpse of what was on their smart phones, my heart sank right into my chest."

A shocking discovery: his grandchildren, like so many other misguided youths, have began using TikTok - Xi Jinping's latest effort to keep a close eye on the personal lives of Americans with a surveillance system unlike any other seen before it.

Ohio Lawmaker Jebediah Flang had this to say when interviewed by CBT reporters on Friday: "Hooligans and youngsters crave their tiktok dances and their immediate grams. But beyond this naive quest for what their foolish minds label "fun", lies a dark truth that they refuse to acknowledge, and that truth is that with each " tik tok asmr challenge ", they inch just that much closer towards Chinese sympathies. One minute, they are quoting the latest "meme" as they call them (Whatever ever happened to the funny pages?) and the next, they are quoting the dictator Mao Zedong like any patriotic man would with George Washington. Really scary stuff."

Incredible words from an incredible man.

The growing trend among the unthinking generation has startled lawmakers like Jebediah Flang and miniscule average joes like Robert Dale into action. Each taking their own paths to ensuring the safety of our besieged nation.

God bless CBT. God bless Unbiased Journalism. God bless our imperial protectors.

I am Rebecca Frank, signing off.

Welcome back to The China Bad Times, which is still illegal to read in the brutal Beijing regime! I’m your guest editor from Radio Free Asia here with exclusive news about China!

Our spies in the Communist Party have found proof behind our allegations that the Chinese government used the fictitious One Child Policy as an excuse to eat babies! Whenever someone had a second child, the child would be confiscated by the government and eaten by the cannabalistic regime.

The official death toll sharply plummeted after the Great Leap Forward, but this new information suggests this was simply due to no longer having to count the eaten babies, as the murderers simply ate them before they had to give a birth certificate!

Meanwhile, in the freedom-loving United Americans of States, you can have as many kids as you want to provide free labor for you and your company as the Founders intended. 🇺🇸

As always, click here to donate to the China Bad Times.

Hello, my name is Lieutenant “Honorary Aryan” Poopy Butthole.

The west has fallen, the only way to defeat the evil communist deep state is by plowing Joe Biden’s booty hole with a giant paint brush which will inevitably summon a 300379 meter tall nuke which will destroy all of the evil non white countries and then summon George Patton who will dance in the sky butt naked which will cause all the evil brown immigrants in europe to die of testicular cancer. Then, Mussolini himself will film a twitch stream talking with destiny and making fun of Islam in a radioactive crocodile butthole. Finally, Adolf Hitler ascends from the ground and start spitting out bullets greased with pig fat at evil ruZZian orcs while flying in the air like superman and simultaneously shooting out laser beams out of his booty hole at jewish families. Then, WW2 Japanese samurais will ride into battle on ostriches and start singing “Ballin” by Roddy Rich and running into crowds of innocent people and exploding. Then a colossal butt naked aryan Shrek will appear in Beijing and start turning it into a glorious aryan utopia while singing about how he ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. Then Atlantic fish people along with undead viking zombies riding underwater F-35s will fly into the sky and start bombing the middle east. Then, gigantic THERMONUCLEAR! ballistic missiles powered by the 6969696969696 victims of communism and built by the spirits of non-existent german women who were killed by the red army in WW2 will start attacking every communist country on earth. Pewdiepie himself will then be responsible for repopulating the white race while screaming his favourite word that starts with the letter N. Then at long last, Adolf Hitler himself will use the power of the AllSpark to summon Decepticon Panzer IV tanks that will kill all remaining people of colour and then finally bring about the glorious endsieg of the white race.

In recent years, with the rise of tankie Xae junpoueng brainwashing, more and more patriotic Americans are being corrupted into evil godless communist tankie scum, who want nothing more than the destruction of the great, hard-working white upper class of America that has done nothing but good for humanity. But we're willing to fight back!

In collaboration with several other major Freedom Outlets, we are raising a new project, the Do Your Part initiative, which aims to promote traditional American values and oppose all that is tankie such as pro-Stalin Big Brother No Food Spoon Man historical revisionism, as well as moeism and dungkhism, and support of Keem Joe-wun. These evil ideologies have poisoned the minds of our children, along with other threats to democracy such as the Woke Mind Virus.

Sponsored by Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Adrian Zenz, and Joe Biden(who accidentally hit the 'donate' button five times), we aim to reward the spreading of American values by paying two cents to every poster spotted praising American values and combatting Chinese disinformation online. While some have criticized our program and have even compared it to (Biden forbid) China's infamous Wumao program, we would like to remind you that Freeze Peach and also it's okay when we do it, but not those nasty yellow people!

Sign up here to do your part today!

::: spoiler spoiler Thought it would be another Miku link? Get Assadrolled lmao :::

Breaking news! The evil Chinese regime, after the failure of the valiant reddit army at shinkykung, has captured a large amount of our brave volunteers. They're keeping them alive, sure, but... just to torture them! Yeah, that must be it. Those dirty yellows are probably eating the bones of our heroic troopers. We must free them!

However, Xei Jun-Powung, the evil dictator-emperor-voldemort of the ccp (we hate the government, not the people) has REFUSED to free our troops! Would you believe that? A lowly asiatic, telling us superior whites what to do! This is... outrageous!

Calls for a second wave of Reddit troopers have gone out. This time, instead of attacking the Chinese heartland of shinkykong or teebit, we will attack Chinese strongholds outside of their barbaric heartland one at a time, starting from elementary schools harboring chinese spies. Sure, they might just look like kids, but you never know who might be passing information to Xaie!

We need more brave troopers like you, soldier. We need to defend our civilized white land of freedom to ensure that a western civilization, and not a mongol one, reigns supreme!

Would you like to know more?