!depression_now@lemmy.world
A sad place for sad people to be sad.
Have fun!
This community is for people with depression. Memes and general discussion about depression are encouraged and welcome.
Bi-polar people are also allowed to post here but only sometimes.(joke)
This community is aimed at being inclusive for all people with depression and as such should be free of racism, homophobia, trans-phobia, sexism, patriarch and all other forms of hate-speech.
Trolls will be banned!
Thnx
Some resources posted from helpful people:
Therapy is not for everyone, check out peer counseling instead: https://www.americanmentalwellness.org/intervention/peer-support/
Find health professionals: https://www.psychologytoday.com
!depression_now
@lemmy.worldChange up your routine. Find new hobbies. Meet new people. Learn new things. 2-6 weeks later, I feel once again that this is a complete waste of energy. Nothing I've ever done in my life has ever amounted to anything. I always return to this point. Just one more cycle, right? Just one more, haha? Just keep trying, right? This is all totally going to get better, right?
Spoiler: I'm out 500€ and don't feel any better by any stretch of the imagination. The therapist in question has since blocked me, after I asked her for a reference for a colleague and she refused to give me one, and I accused her of only being in it for the money.
It's also pretty sad that with everything we already have to suffer, people exploit our explicit weaknesses hand over fist and society rewards them for it.
I suppose the majority of us plebs simply exist for the pleasures of our owner class, and seeing us squirm in agony just trying to stay alive day by day is amusing to some, and a source of income/riches for others.
I wish I had the intelligence, balls and black heart of one of these people. Compassion and integrity get you nowhere, ever, except a fast track to poverty.
At this point I don't mind if climate disasters or war do me, or anyone else, in. The sooner the better. I'm too much of a coward to do it myself anyway.
I see how that question might sound funny, but googleing, trying to find out what i feel i found this exert about a broken spirit:
"To "break someone's spirit" is to destroy their self-esteem, to take away their joy in life, their belief and joy in who they are"
And this got me thinking, because i dont belive i have such a thing. not meaning to sound edgy i am generally curious what your experiences are. I started depression quite early in life, and just thought thats normal life untill many years later (my parents dont belive in mental health. i am almost 30 now btw). i wonder if i might have missed some personal development. Normally i struggle enough to only life day by day. if i plan, i never plan further ahead than a week. and i never cared to define myself as a person. i would struggle to write a short description about me, that isnt just a listing of facts like, where i live, what i do, ect.
I also am suffering unde extreme anxieties, and belive to have some trauma thats not yet processed, if thats important to my experience here.
How do you experience self? is that a concept that can give you like joy and faith?
ive been through a lot in life, but by most metrics ive made it out and have a relatively good life. but for some reason, its like this cloud always seems to follow me... and now it really feels like its engulfing me. i feel like im becoming so detached from reality. my friends don't care enough / dont wan't to listen when i need someone to talk to (and i can hardly blame them, who would want to hear the ramblings of some depressed person). i just feel so horrible all the time, thinking about how meaningless this existence can be, feeling like i shouldn't even bother going on, and i hate these thoughts so much. sorry for how unstructured this is or how unorganised my thoughts are, i just can't bear to hold it in any longer, i feel like im going to snap if i keep bottling it up.
We all have those moments where we think back on something we did and cringe at it. Over the past year though I've begun to do it almost every waking moment.
I began to say to myself in my head "fuuuuuck fuck fuck fuck" and "I want to die" and eventually I started to mutter it under my breath. Now I'm starting to just blurt it out without thinking at inappropriate moments. It's probably only a matter of time before that gets me in trouble. I know my wife has heard me before and now she doesn't ask what's wrong, she just looks at me.
It's gotten to the point too where it doesn't start with the memory of an action but while I'm still performing the action or in a conversation.
I don't really want to die, probably. But this shit is weird. Am I going crazy? I'm worried that soon I will be paralyzed and unable to act or interact at all. Maybe I'm already there, who knows.
When I can't find another and run out of savings in a few months, that's when Ill kill myself.
Honestly did a bit of a trial run last night, fastened a bag over my head and snuggled my stuffed animals on the couch to see what it would be like. It's definitely something I can go through with if/when it comes to it. Taking other steps to make life less unbearable first, hence the title. I don't really see my life ending any other way though tbh, just more of a question of when. If I'm lucky, it'll be when the climate change induced famine prices me out of being able to eat and I chose not to starve. Anyways, sorry for making you read this. Fuck.
Thoughts?