Doesn’t hurt to keep it in mind, I can understand the affordability thing and I really would not trust in the app based therapy apps like betterhelp, cerebral, etc after the BS that has recently been in the news and them selling your fucking data… However, general telehealth options (sometime even offered by actual offices and clinics) are sometimes more affordable and you don’t even have to leave the house to do em. Sometimes that space can help you take the first step.
It’s hard for me to know exactly what’s going on, but introspection imo is key. Maybe try keeping a journal and get into the swing of journaling a bit every day. Don’t try to jump into it with the thought that you have to do it every day right away, but do it in more manageable chunks like every month, every week, every other day, etc. and work into it. Set yourself up for success and be reasonable and kind to yourself.
The reality is that we’re all very complicated and intricate beings. We deserve to be afforded grace (especially by ourselves) but we owe it to the people we care about and the people we enjoy being around to be the best versions of ourselves
Sometimes that means making changes to who we’ve become in favor of who we want to be. Meditation and introspection have been around for many many years and there’s a reason for that.
That sorta stuff is free financially, but it requires you to break out of your current “shape” and put in investment/work to be something new. It can feel a little weird/awkward at first, but in the end it will be worth it.
And when the day comes that you meet someone like you used to be, be kind to them too and show them your way. That’s community. That’s humanity.
I don’t know if this helped, I hope I didn’t come off too pompous or “high-horsed”. I want you to feel better like I do and I just hope it’s enough for you to use as a bit of support/gas to get going on your own path toward success. Have a better day friend
EDIT: reworded the holded parts from their original form which was more “damning” of telehealth in general, and generalizing a problem that had no business being expressed in that way.