@meep_launcher
@lemm.eeHello!
I'm (30m) going on a date tomorrow, which I am excited about, but also very anxious about. I've had a horrible pattern of failed relationships for various reasons. Some ended ugly, some ended civil, some ended and we still get together as friends. Still, my heart feels congested and bruised after so many heartbreaks. I feel broken and poisoned and ruined.
I don't consider myself a witch, and I don't usually think of myself as especially spiritual, but yesterday I felt especially nervous about a future relationship. Am I ready? Will I hurt them? Will they hurt me? Will I pass up the opportunity to find love with the kindest, softest, cutest, happiest person I've met? I thought about how I felt after the 20 years of me falling for people, and all that I've been through.
My friend who is a witch gave me some sage a while ago, so I decided to light the sage and walk in a circle in my apartment. I was improvising, but thought maybe I could do SOMETHING. ANYTHING.
I said the name of all of my exes out loud, with long pauses in between for me to reflect on the relationship, how I felt in the beginning, the middle, and the end of each one. Some I felt warmth remembering how kind they were to me. Some I felt gratitude to what they taught me. Some I cried because of the guilt of how I left them. Some I cried because of the memory of how they left me. The ones who were especially impactful I gave a full 10 minutes of silence and reflection. I said all the names of my partners going back to the initial most innocent "relationship" I had in 4th grade. I felt some relief, and felt better about my date as I was going into it without as much of the baggage that held me down before.
What are your thoughts? I really don't know what I'm doing but I know I want to stop feeling the guilt and sadness of the people I loved. I am so lucky to have loved so many people, but also feel like I need to let go.
I was supposed to go to Vegas today for my friends bachelor party. I hate Vegas. It's going to be 90° AT NIGHT and hit 116°. I hate the smell of cigarettes. I hate the constant ringing of slot machines. I hate strip clubs. I hate the "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" because that is no basis for an ethos.
Spirit cancelled my flight for no reason, rescheduled it for tomorrow, and gave me $24 in food vouchers. Fuck if I know why.
Spirit Airlines: Task Failed Successfully
I'm feeling so uneasy with everything I've been seeing. I keep thinking about what we will be this time next year, and if shit hits the fan, what is your plan? I'm queer and was politically active in 2020, so I would potentially be considered a political enemy.
The only blueprint I can think of is what you do in an active shooter situation; Flee, Hide, Fight.
I know there's that romantic notion of "don't be a coward, get out and protest", but I remember the brutality of the 2020 protests firsthand, and even then I thought "thank god I'm going toe to toe with the CPD and not the CCP". Next time is going to be different. The president now has authority to send drone strikes. Protests and riots don't stand a chance agains missiles and live rounds.
Flee- I have an Uncle in Montreal who my family could potentially use as a way to at least temporarily escape the chaos. The hope I'd have is that Canada and other countries would accept American refugees, however that's not a guarantee.
Hide- If borders are closed, lay low and move away from major cities if possible. If civil war breaks out, try to get away from the violence even if you think your side will win. Todays losers may be tomorrows victors.
Fight- If cellular data/ social media algorithms can keep track of you, and surveillance can make sure there's no movement, this would be the last resort of desperation. I guess if possible try to either find a group for safety in numbers, or conversely go guerrilla as groups of resistance would make easy targets.
Sorry my mind is running and I'm getting scared.
I had a breakup so I wrote a sad song. It's a bit jazzy. I hope lyrics count as poetry.
In the morning
The one I wish I never knew
In the morning
The last one I'll wake with you
.
When the words that come out
Are whispers of a shout
From a heart that pleads it not to be true
.
In the morning
The last morning I have you
.
In the morning
After confessions in the night
In the morning
I never held you so tight
.
The dreams that we had
That could never come to pass
A bird who broke it's wings
Before it hit the glass
.
In the morning
The last morning I had you
.
instrumental
.
I made sure to smell
Your hair before farewell
I don't know if you noticed
I don't know if you could tell
.
In the morning
The last morning I had you
https://imgur.com/gallery/2taAz00
Discover the magic of the internet at Imgur, a community powered entertainment destination. Lift your spirits with funny jokes, trending memes, entertaining gifs, inspiring stories, viral videos, and so much more from users like Meeplauncher2.