@A_Wild_Zeus_Chase
@lemmy.worldEhh I mean if you don’t use any of the optional core feature replacements from Tasha’s, or just the pbh subclasses, then sure.
But for example, the gloom stalker ranger is absolutely disgusting if you go in dungeons or fight at night (which are probably most combats), and the revised beast master or drakewarden have probably the best single permanent summons in the game. And pairing them with any race with pick tactics gives essentially permanent advantage of fighting in melee.
So at this point, not a huge discrepancy.
Also, please feel free to ignore the comments about immaturity, people somehow forget the only way to get experienced in relationships is to have experience in a relationship. As long as you like each other and are treating each other well, it’s fine.
If she initiated these new things, then I think you’re right that she thinks you like them, and doesn’t want to lose you over her not being willing to do them.
First, get things straight in your own head about would you like to have done any of those things with her if you had not seen the video?
Then, once you have an idea about what you like or don’t, tell her something like “hey, while (the things you like) I do like and would like to keep doing, if it’s ok with you, (the things you don’t like) were her idea, and I don’t want you to feel like it’s something we have to do together because it’s not something I particularly enjoy. I much prefer (doing this thing you two did together, that your ex didn’t do).” Even if that thing is just holding hands after or something like that, not necessarily kinky.
The main thing to remember is that you’re her first, so she has no frame of reference to compare you too, whereas you have an ex that she’s worried she’s being compared to.
So just let her know that your happy with how the relationship is, and exactly what you said at the end of your post, that you want to grow together and view this as the relationship of not just your present, but far in the future as well, so she shouldn’t have any concerns.
To echo what some people have said, if you haven’t changed jobs in the last year or two; you absolutely should do so.
As you’ve realized, there’s only so much you can do on the cost side to have things balance. Cost of living has risen relentlessly, but thankfully in many areas wages are finally growing too, and new hires usually get the higher rates.
So not changing jobs frequently, especially in the industries you mentioned, is just leaving money on the table.
Aside from that, definitely look into trades, but also look into local government, healthcare (like being a patient scheduler at a hospital), really any industry you are looking to break into as a career.
They really need the help now, especially for entry level positions, and if you do a good job, you could parlay that into a career in an industry you’re excited about.
So spend like 30 minutes each day looking for jobs, and don’t stop until you’re hired. Remember, even if you end up hating it, you can always quit and get rehired immediately in industries you’re more familiar with, because they also desperately need help too.
I knew someone that did something similar for the same reason, though it was conversations about his future with his mom that he was trying to avoid.
Something that helped with him is to go outside, NOT to interact with people, but just to go on hikes or walk, where you can keep your headphones in and not say a word to someone else, but just to get outside your room, which even though it’s a refuge, can also start to feel like a prison.
Honestly you interact with people much more indoors than outdoors, so viewing a walk as a form of peaceful solitude can be great for getting fresh air and exercise, and you’ll notice you get much less judgement from your roommates if your going outside. You’ll also notice your mental health will probably improve as well.
You’ve already begun thinking about this about both of my recommendations, but I’ll second them: a physical activity you enjoy, and interacting with a group doing something you all enjoy.
While some people are fulfilled by their job, and many people by their spouses and children, those things require work.
A hobby where you do something for the sheer enjoyment of it, not because of the output it gives you but because you just enjoy the process of doing it, is great for your mental health.
I also think there’s no substitute for having fun with a group, ideally in person, especially if family and work take up a lot of your time. You won’t realize how much you’ve missed saying “that was fun, see you next week!” until you start saying it again.
It’s hard for lots of guys, especially with families, to consistently schedule one-off activities, or even just time to talk. You lost the two people it sounds like you could do that with, and now your feeling the result.
You’ll obviously never be able to replace either of them, but by having a group you see weekly doing something you enjoy, you’ll be able to fill that need, and your mental health will improve as a result.
PS, if you like guild wars, one thing I’d recommend for your in-person activity is DnD. I moved recently and I can’t tell you how much help it’s made creating a friend group. Once a week we get together at a house, drink some beers, order food, shoot the shit, and do something we all enjoy. I look forward to it every week.
You’ve already begun thinking about this about both of my recommendations, but I’ll second them: a physical activity you enjoy, and interacting with a group doing something you all enjoy.
While some people are fulfilled by their job, and many people by their spouses and children, those things require work.
A hobby where you do something for the sheer enjoyment of it, not because of the output it gives you but because you just enjoy the process of doing it, is great for your mental health.
I also think there’s no substitute for having fun with a group, ideally in person, especially if family and work take up a lot of your time. You won’t realize how much you’ve missed saying “that was fun, see you next week!” until you start saying it again.
It’s hard for lots of guys, especially with families, to consistently schedule one-off activities, or even just time to talk. You lost the two people it sounds like you could do that with, and now your feeling the result.
You’ll obviously never be able to replace either of them, but by having a group you see weekly doing something you enjoy, you’ll be able to fill that need, and your mental health will improve as a result.
PS, if you like guild wars, one thing I’d recommend for your in-person activity is DnD. I moved recently and I can’t tell you how much help it’s made creating a friend group. Once a week we get together at a house, drink some beers, order food, shoot the shit, and do something we all enjoy. I look forward to it every week.