Unfortunate series of events

Here I sit, broken hearted Thought I had to shit, but only farted So I sat, so I waited All the while, I masterbated

Yeah but at least now you know your shampoo is pH balanced and made with sodium lauroyl methyl isethionate

Indeed. Moreover, I can piss without shitting if I wish, but to shit without pissing? That is a rare gift.

I don't take my phone to the toilet. Just finish my business and be back fast.

Always go back out for it.. Always

What kind of psychopath pees without their phone?

I hate when I think I just have to pee but it turns out I also need to vomit too.

why am I laughing so hard