YO, my mom did this to me! In fact I figured a lot of this shit out when I found r/raisedbynarcissists. I saw a lot of people there claimed to be on the spectrum which I thought was pretty weird. So I follow the rabbit hole and I learn about PTSD, CPTSD and I start seeing a therapist about it. Turns out she just didn't want to be responsible for fucking up her kid.
Is it not common for people with autism to develop cptsd though? It could be possible you have both right?
No it's more likely that my emotionally and financially abusive car stealing, gaslighting, steal-money-out-of-my-wallet-while-I'm-sleeping parent just didn't want to be held accountable for her shitty "parenting." Also the multiple expert evaluations that say I'm not diagnosably autistic. But I guess I should listen to the guy that analyzes people's mental health based on a four sentence internet post uninvited, right?
But I guess I should listen to the guy that analyzes people's mental health based on a four sentence internet post uninvited, right?
I think you don't really mean these words and you are subconsciously projecting the feelings you feel towards your mother onto an unknown person on the Internet.
Here's some cocain to calm your nerves.
I can see that you did not mean anything offensive by it. However, I have had similar things happening to me (misdiagnosis of autism so my parents did not have to take responsibility for tramuatising me) and I might have responded similarly.
When someone imposes a diagnosis on you that is wrong and does it for selfish reasons, when you are a child, it is very harmful. It hurts your feeling of self worth to the core and makes you constantly question yourself and who you are. It takes a lot of strength to stop the selfdoubt and finally conclude that you do not have autism and that what you feel and think is correct and not what you have been told all your life by the people you were supposed to be able to trust. That is really a very difficult thing to do, because the anxiety that something is "wrong" with you after all is always there. It takes courage.
If you have been struggling with questioning yourself in this way and if you state that you are not autistic after all, then it is difficult to deal with a response suggesting that you might be wrong. That is almost painful.
I know that you did not mean it that way. There is no way you could have known if this is something you have no experience with. Also, I cannot say something about why someone else responds in a certain way. I might be wrong about that. However, when I read your question, I immediately got quite triggered as well. I guess I just wanted to explain where a response like this can come from in some cases.
I see now how my question could be taken as a malicious one, I do apologize, thanks for explaining.
No apologies necessary, in my opinion. You did not mean anything negative and you did not know. I just wanted to explain the other side.
Yoooo, I'm AuDHD and my father was a raging narcissist (possibly psychopath). Additionally, I'm currently recovering from CPTSD after a hell of a lot of recent emotional abuse. I get the intense emotions feeling invalidated brings up. They're legit and justified. As a survivor of that insane childhood and environment, it hurts to see others go through it because I know how bad it can be. Other people will never be able to understand it if they even believe you, so I'm sorry you went through that. You were just a kid, and no matter your reactions and behaviors at the time, it wasn't your fault. It couldn't have been your fault because it's all you knew.
Sometimes though, people are only asking a question to gather information and clarify, not build a case against you, imply that you're "wrong", and make you look like the "crazy one". I can't speak on their behalf, but I think @candyman337@sh.itjust.works was just asking to understand better and didn't mean anything against you by it. If that's the case, then while your reaction makes complete sense, you might have better outcomes if you were to practice assessing situations and responding in a way that helps you reach your goals. This would give you more control over your life while compassionately validating yourself. It would also help you avoid the trap that narcissists lay when they trigger you to act out to make you look unhinged. So either way, unless you're in immediate physical danger, staying calm and collected is the best move.
Also, my intention is merely to help you. I am not trying to insult you, imply fault, or make any judgement on your character. We all make mistakes sometimes (I still make them all the time), so it is completely understandable. All it means is that you're trying, and that's something to be proud of considering the history of what you've been through. I hope this comment helps you ❤️
Really‽ Can you help me understand how? I'm not offended in anyway at all. I would just like to gain some awareness of how my communication is perceived by others, so I think it would be helpful for me to understand your perspective. I know that people can be reserved because they feel cautious with intercultural topics, so if you feel more comfortable, feel free to DM instead. Whatever works for you 🙂
you are trying to be very neutral, you try to put your ego aside, you try to weigh every tiny aspect of the thing that bothers you, you seem very logical about it, you dont know how to prioritze in importan or not important, you DID assess the social situation expertly and correct, you bothered doing that in the first place, you seem big on truth and justice, you tried to help the dude out of compassion because you obviously had or have communication problems yourself,
you have been manipultaded because you are naive as shit, took you decades to learn to say no and set boundaries.
and bla bla bla
one tip: a no has to have consequences. really think about it, you have to follow up you no with action, its very important.
its not your communication per se that reminds ME of autism, but your way with dealing with situations.
thanks and take care, you are a cool dude (or dudette)
It's just that some of us are autistic and have had wrong parenting, only due to various kinds of stigma our parents, on the contrary, only looked for confirmation that we (and them) are "normal". So please consider that.
Do you have evidence that that would be more or less common than the other relevant comparisons (i.e., everyone, and people raised by shitty parents)?
If you don't, the "possible" argument is blind speculation, and that's inappropriate in these situations. Many things are possible in this world, my friend, but we mostly care about what's probable and then what's true
The same thing happened to me. I did not know it is a common thing! I was told I am autistic, but it turns out I have CPTSD. I think telling me I was autistic it was just an easy was to blame the ways in which I responded to being traumatised on me again.
turns out my whole family is toxic as *hit because we all have adhd or autism, i have both. dad is autistic, mom has adhd.
i am the only one diagnosed with treatment.
i blocked half of my family, for good reason.
You can say shit on the internet. If you're gonna self censor just don't use the word at all ffs
Oh that's what it is. I read that as "hit" and kept looking for the closing '*'. That is so fucking annoying.
I mean, I understand what you're saying and it is true here on lemmy, but it is absolutely not the case that you don't have to self-censor on the internet. I mean, you can choose to not to, but some systems will just never show your contribution to the conversation to anyone (ex. tiktok, Facebook, YouTube, etc). So people practice self-censorship to engage with those platforms and then it becomes a part of their online vocabulary.
So, you don't need to self-censor here on lemmy, but you also shouldn't give anyone flak for doing so.
Umm, ffs, if I used that right.
No I think their point stands. There are plenty of words to choose from, you simply don't need to say shit. Like it is quite literally that simple, use the word or don't.
Exactly. I choose to not swear, so I use different vocabulary. If I do choose to swear, I'll swear. I personally find that not swearing regularly gives a lot more weight to when I do swear.
Not really because not everyone knows your swearing habits when reading the odd comment from you on the Internet. In real life sure that makes sense.
Yeah, but the person is speaking to you using their vocabulary that they use day-to-day. Sure, they could pick whatever other words they want to, but doing so would fall outside of their usual vocabulary and, therefore, takes more effort than just "replace the part of this word I normally use that's blocked by censor". You can tie yourself into knots trying to avoid censored words and also this new requirement of only using a word by using that word.
The point, as I see it, of "don't use the word if you're not going to use the word" is "don't inconvenience me with your language, inconvenience yourself in order to not inconvenience me." Sounds like a path to everyone second guessing everything they say in order to accommodate whatever desire other people wish to interject on your choice of words. Which, doesn't sound very live más to me. Very un-taco bell of you (I have no idea what happened in that last part of my statement)
Edit: easiest way to say it: you clearly knew what word they meant so why are you making a stink about it not matching exactly to that word?
You clearly knowing what they meant means the entire point of the censorship is lost. So at that point it's completely unnecessary. If I can tell what you meant the censorship is just pandering to pedantic people who think swear words are uncouth.
Just use the damn word or choose a different one. If you're that worried about censorship you've solved both problems by never even letting them arise in the first place.
no, i won't do what you tell me. for you, it's censorshi*p. for me, it's me. and i am all i got. so i am keeping that.
thanks, you get it. effort or inconvienience dont' interest me, i am autistic for a reason. i just do what feels right by me. i don't care about censorship. for me, its like using a bad word while trying to be polite, but still wantig to use the word.
but i guess thats far to sophisticated for most people in here. they are bootlickers, so the first thing they think is censorship.-
you really got me good, i see the error of my ways. no i don't, false alarm, well, *hit.
An abbreviation is not the same as censorsing. Ffs is shorter but most people know it means "for fucks sake" it's not a pathetic attempt at censorship like *hit.
We would only figure it out in hindsight after cleaning things up and reducing the amount in our bodies.
Similar story here. Asperger's runs on both of my parents' sides of the family. In addition Dad has ADHD and mom has BPD. I ended up with the Autism+ADHD combo with sprinkling of CPTSD on top. I don't even know where the neurological problems end and the psychological problems begin.
Have not talked to either in well over a decade.
I read that adhd families are way often structured in very unhealthy was than you might think.
my theory is, that my siblings and my mom don't want to get diagnosed, because then they had to accept that they are defective; the are living the delusion that all their countless adhd problems are somebodies elses fault.
they can never break out of that thinking.
i think its a gene defect that gets ampflified by bad nutrition, a glucose pathway defect.
i can't give you a source, because, believe me, you would be looking at
well its just to much. its biochemistry....
look up glucose acetate metabolism, adhd glucose- insulin pathway gene defects, combine that with insuline resistance. you get the insuline resistance by craving sugar. you crave sugar because of the pathway defect; if you eat the sugar, insuline gets activated, boom you have energy.
ritalin does essentially the same, since its a stimulant, it ramps up basal metabolic rate. if you ramp that up, the body will go into glucoseneogenesis, and insulin will also get realeased. thats why ritalin wont work or work not ideal if you dont eat; it will not work at all if you are insuline rsistant /thats different fron defective insuline realease)
so its the release that is defective from the start.
thats why nutrition with a focus on acetate metablisism has benefits for autism and adhd.
thats why people crave alcohol, acetate metabolism. thats why people on antidepressants crave sweets and alcohol , antidepresesants, most of them, make you insuline resistant. thats how antidepressants slow down metabolic basal rate, and why you get fat and sedentary.
Interesting, I didn't realize that ADHD and autism occur so frequently together. Also:
Interestingly, initial small studies have explored the potential use of intranasal insulin as a therapeutic intervention for ADHD. A pilot study by Shemesh et al. (2021) found that a single dose of intranasal insulin improved cognitive performance and attention in adults with ADHD. While these results are promising, larger-scale clinical trials are needed to evaluate the safety and efficacy of this approach.
Well, now I have a rabbit hole to go down. I hope you and your family can find something that works, healthy family relationships can be very rewarding, and avoiding them largely due to a hopefully treatable medical condition sucks. Anyway, thanks for the explanation!
thanks for the link. i marked it for reading.
yeah, the insuline thing really makes me wonder.....
i am very sad that my brother is deteroirating rapidly from 12 years of anti depressants. he had like shizo thoughts, which is kinda normal if you abuse alcohol and various drugs havily, and then decide to go cold turkey.
either way, he is loosing hair, showing all signs of malnutrition while being fat, has all kinds of ailments. his docs dont believe in adhd. my niece got diagnosed recently as well.
its kinda typical that adhd people can't acknowledge adhd,, because it shatters the lottle self worth they retain by claim they turned out this way because of incident X that happened at age 15, or because of hpw my father handled family life (he is not abuseisve or anything, but he is a father with autism, that can be taxing)
wait till you hear that keto nutrition benefits bipolar persons, binge eaters, parkinson people, epileptics, and thoses people who have severe ticks, like, tourettes.
why is that?
the answer is acetate metabolism.
do you want to know why canabis works?
canabis receptors have something to do with the insuline glucose mechanism, i don't know yet what, i am just a former worker with no education.
so, take this all as my opinion.
but, at the other hand, biochemistry does not lie...
it is a very captivating topic. its my special interest for now.
I thought I was the only one! I really did not know that this is something that happens more often.
My mother managed to convince her psychiatrist to diagnose me with autism when I was 13. He told me that I had autism and that if I did not get treated, I would be alone forever and I would never be able to make friends. He also called it a handicap. No treatment was started, there was no help or anything after that. The psychiatrist told me and I never saw him again. My mother told everyone around her I was autistic and they all felt very bad for her, including me. I felt really sad she had me for a daughter and I hated myself for being who I was. I also was bullied in school and I thought it was my own fault because I was autistic and therefore I did stuff that made others bully me. I was the one in the wrong and it was just a response to that, I felt.
Turns out I am not autistic at all. Like, I had it checked out thoroughly and there was no doubt about it. I actually an able to emphasise with others better than average etc. I also have some really close friends, which I made once I was able to leave home. I do have CPTSD though from severe emotional neglect and psychological abuse.
It is so weird to see similar stories here. I know my social skills are fine, but I still feel insecure about my social functioning. I am always looking for stuff I might do wrong that confirms that I am autistic after all. I also still feel like something is fundamentally wrong with me and as if my existence is somehow an enormous burden for others. (This is not how I feel about autistic people, but it is how I was made to feel about myself by that diagnosis.) It is a feeling that is very difficult to change.
Yes, definitely. I did have a lot of symptoms of trauma as a child, in hindsight. This provided an explanation for that in which my parents weren't blamed for it and it was just all on me again.
Are you still in that situation or do you mean that that happened in the past? For me it got better once I left home. Although I was still in contact with her. Now it is much better, because I only occasionally have contact with her and only via text. It took me years to get there, but I did. I hope you do too if you have not already.
Yes and no. Right now I am kind of dependent on her because the last two jobs I had both went under so I am unemployed. She helps me and I need it. But at the same time I feel like its more of a control thing. I love her, but I cannot deny how she makes me feel whenever I make the tiniest mistake and she basically blamed me for those companies shitting the bed.
my brother has the same thing, although the details are different.
my mother would even buy him alcohol. they are in a symbiotic emotional abuse situation.
she needs to keep him a child, and he wants to be safe and secure, but at the same time, it eats him up, since he also wants to be an independant man.
so he needs his mother, but hates her at the same time.
she needs someone to fuss about, since without it, she is nothing. she hated when the rest of us grew up.
she overstepped boundairies countless times. phoned with schools, workplaces. hospitals. boyfriends from my sisters, multiple times. to involvee herself, get a hold on us, mend a broken relationship for us, make deals with school, what have you.
I was 32, lying injured in bed, Nurse came in, phoning with mom. I grabbed the phone, screamed in red hot anger, and then forbid to staff and docs to communicate with her. they had to talk me down because i was shaking and could not calm down from the adrenalin rush.
she made such a fuzz about me when I was laying in intensive care, that I threw her out of my room. I was sedated and on a breathing aparatus, but she made me so mad because of her way of treating me like a hurt child.
she knew I hated that *hit. I told her a 1000 times. like my siblings also did.
she always ingores that i AM autistic, and tries to get feelings out of that I don't want to have.
yep trauma response. i hafe the same thing.
i love my mom, and I am deeply ashamed and sorry to have her blocked. but she harms me everytime I see her.
I wil miss her and regret it all when she dies.
I am sorry to hear that. I think your mother ignoring autism can be as harmful as her telling you have it while you don't. In both cases, you are not seen and accepted for who you are.
I have an official document stating that if I am incapable of making decisions, my parents are not allowed to make decisions for me and they cannot be with me in the room by themselves or touch me. I feel quite guilty about that, but I just cannot deal with what will happen otherwise.
