Most of my life I had quite difficult "relationship" with porn. Mostly due to religion I would say, before I changed myself a lot and became an atheist.
I tried to quit and to never look at porn ever again multiple times. But after a while, I always relapsed.
As time went on, and I began a relationship with my amazing partner, I accepted, that I am quite a "sexual person."
Honestly, I enjoy looking at other people naked bodies. The shapes, colors, curves, it is so interesting to me and so pleasing to my eyes.
And with that, I have quite a big libido, so I enjoy looking at the acts, but mainly, I love to see other people enjoy their sexuality and their bodies in consensual and healthy way.
I find it all to be so beautiful and interesting, so I would be happy to communicate with others about it.
Comically, my partner found joy in creating porn or rather sexual content and give it some time, I would like to start as well, when I will feel more comfortable in my skin.
No, and people come off as pretty weird when porn is such a significant part of their life and so frequently on their mind that it's their chosen pastime and conversation topic. It suggests an imbalance in how much porn is a part of one's life, when it's totally fine for it to play a large role, but not so large that you feel a strong urge to bring it up even when it makes most people uncomfortable.
I would never shame someone for consuming (large amounts of) porn, but if someone thinks about it so much that they are frequently bringing it up in average settings even though it makes many people uncomfortable, that's honestly pretty rude. And if someone knows that's the case and still feels a strong urge to do so, I think that demonstrates an issue with how and how much they are thinking about it.
If you find someone or some online community that intentionally welcomes that, lean into it and enjoy. Outside of that, exposing others to conversation they'd rather not have is not cool, likely to put distance between you, and pretty selfish. If you can't resist, that's a whole other issue.
can you explain the part of my post that made you think i'm the kind of person who brings up porn in the average scenario... bc i'm not LMAO that's why i made the post, no one talks about sexuality and such... i spend a few hours a day playing games and i like talking with people about it... i can spend up to a few hours a day jerking off or w/e... i don't think it's so awful to want to connect with other people about it. but obviously i don't just dump this on people randomly??
but that's also why i made this post in the goddamn porn lemmy 😭😭😭
I thought the question was more theoretical/conversational, so I just answered with how I felt about the idea of bonding with friends over porn, not how I think you do it. It doesn't appeal to me personally, and the title of the post is "do you ever want to?" So I was just offering my answer.
Have you tried easing into the topic with close friends? For example, by talking about the ethics of porn. That's how it started to be a topic with my friends. We dont really talk detail, but we discuss what techniques work and recommend toys, for example.
My fav ethical site is ersties btw.
some of my friends are open to it but it's pretty sterile and devoid of details... so i wanna engage on a deeper level. although i don't really know what that means! and i don't want to come off creepy/weird/porn obsessed like i apparently did to another commenter LMAO 😭
sourcing good ethical porn might be a good topic of conversation tho, i'll try that. thanks for the rec, too
I mean, no, not really, as regards your title.
The problem with porn is that it has become so prevalent and so filled with various extreme options that I hesitate to even discuss it online. The more a person is into porn, the more likely they are to have escalated their intake and chased those extremes. There's just no conversation around that, that is remotely possible to bond over.
Now, I'm not saying there's anything inherently bad about porn as a thing in itself. Like you asked for, it is possible for porn to be ethical (though I'll be damned if I'm spending the time it would take to find ethical porn and vet it, just being real). Gods know I made use of porn in various forms back in the day. Even have a few magazines and VHS tapes in the attic iirc.
But it's when porn becomes a hobby that I nope the fuck out. Like, I've known men and women that could rattle off porn actors stats and give critiques of performances off the top of their heads. I don't enjoy that kind of obsession with much of anything, even my own hobbies; but porn? Nah, that's just beyond anything I would want to talk about with anyone.
Now, the rest of your post is great! It seems like you have found comfort in your sexuality, and that's a beautiful thing. No bullshit, I'm happy to see someone that's grooving on their own sexuality like that. I wish everyone could find that.
And, that kind of conversation is cool, imo. It's only by communication that we can learn.
For my part, I'm hitting the middle of middle age, so my sense of sexuality is less visceral and more of a slow burn. The joke is that I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was lol. I'm glad the old hectic sex drive is winding down so I can spend more time really enjoying sex and sexuality instead of just being pushed by my own body towards orgasm as the main goal. I'd rather spend all day making out with my wife, just building up to eventual sex, then take our time and really experience it fully in every moment.
I don't wake up humping things like I did in my younger days, and gods is that a relief. Well, I don't as often, is what I mean, really. It has become a rare thing. Just ten years ago, when we were newlyweds still, it was not so rare for me or my wife to wake the other up with a bit of sleep grinding lol. Fun times, but not so fun when I was single.
If I wake up horny now, I'll see if my wife is up for it. If she's not, then I prefer to let the feeling simmer until we're both ready. We have that agreement, where we can always wake the other up for/with sex, with the understanding that the response might be a no and that's okay. Pretty rare for it to be no tbh, for either of us.
I also think you're right about the only reliably ethical porn being self generated and shared freely. Once there's money in the mix, it turns into work, and while I have nothing but respect for sex workers, I have no way to be certain that any given piece of porn is fully consensual, with no exploitation, if it isn't the person/people doing it for their own joy. Even that's not really 100% certain, but it's good enough.
Not that I reach for porn any more. Maybe fifteen, twenty years ago, I realized that the best solo sex I had was back when fantasy was all I had access to. It helps that I have a very vivid ability to visualize things, but still.
I ran across a porn clip earlier on lemmy. It was some woman riding a guy while another woman stood there with her tongue out kind of halfway pretending to lick the breast of the riding woman as she bounced.
It was just so fake and empty and a turn off. Like, why would I want to masturbate after seeing something like that? And most porn is pretty similar. It's so empty and devoid of real, human passion.
Anyway, that's my ramblings on the subject.
i guess i assumed i was talking about people who are normal about porn. but i mean, idk, i think knowing a few actors you like isn't like... crazy? there's probably a certain level where you're too interested in it, right, but i don't think that's exclusive to porn
there's also a thought like... yeah, i do miss being partnered... but, i also kinda don't. like, i'm chill with it. part of it is that i have an absolutely bonkers sex drive and i'm probably better off regulating it on my own than with a partner and the baggage that comes with. and i don't think i want my sexuality to be something that exclusively belongs with another person, i like having it for myself sometimes. i like that it's sometimes not about intimacy
don't get me wrong, really good intimate sex is incredible. it's great. would love to have it again
i just don't miss it that much, at least not more than i suffer from a general touch deprivation. i miss it the same way i miss staring deeply into someone's eyes and holding their hand and kissing them. but i think you get that re: rather have a long makeout session nowadays (even if it still ends in sex)
i like the intimacy, but i also like that primal place where you're just fucking. and honestly i guess it's pretty hard for me to get to that place with another person nowadays, i don't really trust people to be really sensitive to their needs and willing to speak up for them... LMAO ofc due to past experience
but it's fine, i'm more or less content engaging in it with myself
and the porn helps with that, it's fun and i agree, i don't think i can ever know if it was made consentually, i can at least try to do some research and support things where people do interviews and seem genuine and whatnot
idk how good of a job i did like... engaging with your comment as opposed to just kind of rambling about my own shit. but i liked your post and i hope you like mine
It's all good, there's nothing wrong with some mutual rambling lol
But, the folks I meant are the ones that rattle off bios of dozens of porn actors off the top of their heads. Which, I agree, isn't far off from folks that do it with conventional actors! It's a blurry line between interest and obsession.
And I definitely feel you regarding self love being a wonderful thing by itself, and sexuality not being exclusive to a partnership. The kind of skin hiker hunger you mentioned, the craving of human touch, is also a separate thing from sexuality and partnerships sometimes.
I guess what I'm saying is that I feel you, I get where you're coming from (and those double entendres weren't intentional, but I'm leaving them now that I notice them lol).
Having a high libido definitely adds "pressure" to finding a good sexual balance with the self, and partners. Self love is still love, and there's nothing wrong with fucking yourself into a stupor :). I know in my younger days, I always found it a bit unbalanced to try and expect partners to fulfill my entire sexual needs. Even when a partner matched my libido, it just seems off to place all that on another, if you get me.
I started masturbating at the age of 13. I estimate that from when I started to now I have masturbated approximately 17,755 times. I am not entirely sure if that is excessive - numerically it sounds like it. This is a rough calculation based on my memory of how often I was masturbating over the years. During puberty I was regularly masturbating more than twice a day (I know when I was 16 I was masturbating on average five times a day).