I can relate to being a beta bottom, not so much the rest of it. I haven't had enough dicks in my life to form size preferences, and I've never felt like I'm competing to be a "real man". I'm tall and masculine-looking, so it's a bigger struggle for me to look less masculine and visually fit my role. I don't know why you can't transition, but the things holding me back are insecurity about my masculine appearance and lack of funds.
I have similar reasons for non-transitioning: generally real-life considerations versus internal. I'm also about to undertake a career change, have low social support, am not the most socially fluent, am concerned about growing transphobia, don't want the daily hassles (e.g., public change rooms).
I feel pretty confident that non-transition is the best choice for me right now, but it isn't by a huge margin - it's like a 60-40 vote versus 90-10 one.
My strategy for now is to try to to thread the needle between embracing feminine things that make me good and being able to pass as cis-enough. I'm fortunate to have a full head of hair, which I've grown out, and I'm working on a nice neat top bun. I love having long hair (most of the time :P)
I grew my hair out, dyed it a lighter shade, and I straighten it and use hair clips. I also try to wear at least one article of women's clothing every day, and I often wear makeup. I don't know if these things make me trans, but even in the conservative area I live, people are surprisingly accepting. I recommend crossdressing.
Although I don't have a lot of experience with chastity, the times I did try it, it turned me on very quickly. I'm not really interested in anyone masculine, but the idea of a larger woman or transwoman making fun of my small penis, locking it away and controlling how I'm able to orgasm was a big turn on.
I haven't been able to turn this fantasy into reality yet, but I hope to be able to someday.
It also helps that I like looking at my legs and ass in some tight leggings or stockings, and an obvious chastity bulge looks much hotter than a penis bulge.
I hope you get to turn that fantasy into a reality someday!
an obvious chastity bulge looks much hotter than a penis bulge
Agreed. In panties or leggings you can see the bars of my cherry keeper at the front - I'm very obviously caged 🙈 and I love it <3
This is a tough one for me, I kinda relate and kinda don't! I think ultimately I love D/S dynamics in sex and, even though I trend more submissive, I feel the desire to dom every once in a while. So it may just be my wishywashy/switchy nature, but I don't believe it has made me "a beta".
However, when I'm in sub/sissy mode, I do love things like censored porn, humiliation, et al. So I totally understand the thrill of thinking you have an inadequate cock, etc etc.
I'm just happy you're finding the path that's right for you and you have my support ❤️