“I have autism, please be patient”
If you’re gonna draft me, I’m sure as fuck playing into the ‘useless Joe’ meme and try and break my 1Sgts will to live
Simple Jack/Johnny Five your way to never leaving basic training! Sergeants hate this secret trick!
I should've framed the joke better. I was going for "friendly fire is such a common problem that..."
S'all good homey! You're late to the show now though. Someone else made a friendly fire joke already.
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"Born to kill" and a peace sign.
(What can I say? I'm a sucker for the classics.)
Edit: after having read some of the responses in this thread, I might update it for modern times with "Yiff in hell" and a dickbutt.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
A superglued pull tab for an aluminum can.
An ingredient list and nutritional information on the side.
O+
I haven't been in the army in 15 years and would probably need to prepare for a lot of blood transfusions.
Edit: on mobile it looks like it's an engraved pattern, not spray. And if you don't think that some people would not do it, you have not being on the Internet for long