I don't know what I'm doing, I hate my job I hate my life, all I do is work, get stoned, sleep wake up repeat, I yearn for a passionate community someone that cares as much as me but isn't tied to a wage or a visa to enact change.

I want to run away but I'm scared I'll end up dissapointing eceryone.

KMS seems like the easy way out but I can't allow myself to do that people depend on me.

Why am I so weak? What should I do? Why am I here? Will I ever find love? Is it all a lie?

When you're born in a broke family, so you can't go anywhere for outings, picnics or a trip?

The powerlessness of not being able to buy toy as a kid?

The resourcefulness you have to embrace, because things considered as necessity is a privilege in your world?

The pain of having to spend all the youthful years of your life being stuck inside?

The helplessness of having to shy away from any relationships, because you're of a lower rung in the society?

The feeling of shame when you face the educated, rich guardians of classmate/friend, and then you have to pretend to lie about what your parents do, to appear bourgie and sophisticated?

The guilt of being born, and having ruined the life of two individuals, who could have gone child-less and had a better life without you existing?

The feeling of hopelessness after them doing their best to give their best, but you fail as an adult.

A jobless, unskilled graduate with a useless paper they call a degree.

Stuck in a fascist shit hole, with people hurting others.

This suffering won't stop. And even if I were to end it, it will bring even more suffering for the ones I leave behind.

Fuck this.

None of this matters. Its all a game. Im just here to suffer i guess. So i am gonna kill myself whenever i have the resources, and am currently trying to find a way to get those resources but im broke so that is hard. Idk why i make these posts. Its not like anyone is listening. i just wish i wasn't alone in having to feel like this.