so I have a very bad experience with girl best friend situations from my ex boyfriend. Which was also one of the many reasons why I broke up with him. Basically putting her first, her calling in the middle of the night to ask him to drive her home from the city (which he did) and much more. It just left a really bad taste in my mouth.

Fast forward to my now boyfriend who I adore a lot. He’s a sweetheart and treats me very well. We live in different countries which is a 5 hour train ride to see each other. We started texting through Tinder and have been together for a year and three months now. I knew from the beginning that he has a girl friend who is also his ex. She was a very big problem at the beginning and had a lot of fights because of my bad experience. They would text all the time, had two trips booked when we weren’t together yet, she also tried to call in the middle of the night cause she had a bad high, she would send almost 3 minute long audios, etc. She lives in my home country and when they used to be together they wouldn’t see each other often cause the travel there would take around 12 hours. We see each other almost every weekend. Last time they’ve seen each other was in December 2023 cause I was okay with them meeting somewhere in the middle for a few hours while he was at my place for New Years. He really wanted me to come with him but I had already made plans with friends at the time. The situation got a lot better now and I feel more confident in our relationship. He would be happy if we could meet up together at some point and I’m a bit nervous about it. They have been close friends and have a lot in common. Do you guys have any tips on how to handle this situation when it’s time for meeting her, what to do and not to do,….. how do I handle this?

I'm conflicted. I have a parent who's dying. I feel the void of the parenting I was supposed to receive. They never fulfilled any of the obligations I consider appropriate. I'm a parent, now. They did none of the things I'm doing for my kids.

On some level, I know the expectation is that I should feel sad. There's literally no realistic expectation that they'll turn a new leaf in their 70's and suddenly become a decent human being. Maybe there's a 1 in a million chance, but when they die, that's definitively 0. I want them to turn a new leaf, but I know it's unrealistic. I get jealous (and keep it to myself) when my friends and family have their parents in their lives.

On the other hand, they are literally the worst person in my life. I've never had anyone treat me as badly and fail me so hard as they have. I haven't spoken to them in years. They literally don't understand why, because they're a narcissist. Very "missing, missing reasons" kind of person.

So I'm conflicted. I have tons of evidence that they suck, but there's still a part of me that craves a parent actually being there. Part of me thinks I should feel bad when anyone suffers and passes away, but another part of me is borderline relieved.

I typically don't care about things like hairstyle, makeup or clothes. But my wife has started giving herself a buzz cut and I simply hate it. I told her and she grew it out for a while, but she said longer hair was making her depressed and it needed to be a buzz cut. She said it just looks like her when she sees it. Part of me thinks that's gender euphoria and she's just around the corner from realising that she's trans. I would not be comfortable continuing the relationship in that case. (She has said she feels a-gender but not male).

I've tried to tolerate it, but I dislike looking at her now and it's contributing to me being depressed now. I don't want these feelings every time I look at my wife.

We've generally had a good relationship over about one and a half decades, with two young children. We're also codependent and own a house together.

It would make things difficult if we separate. I really don't want to separate just because of a haircut, but I've definitely been thinking about it. I just don't know what to do.

So I'm not sure if I can or should continue my relationship with my fiance or try to fix things. We've been together for two years now. When we first started dating they said that they were working on finishing their masters degree but they have not done so. They also said they'd be going back to work after they finished their degree. They have just been running through their savings and staying at home. They do most of the chores but the house is often a bit of a mess. Now they're saying that they want to wait until after kids to go back to work. My family also thinks it is a bad idea to marry them.

My husband is clearly depressed. He is also a proud man, and some degree of old-fashioned. I am 4 years younger than him, and am far more open to the idea of therapy and medication.

For context, he has dealt with his dad (whom he was close with) committing suicide when he was a teenager, a long-term girlfriend (whom he really wanted to marry) cheating on him with multiple men (including a good friend at the time) for years, and his best friend of 10 years (my brother) dying in a rafting accident that we were both part of. I've been struggling personally myself, but I have a few different things I'm trying, including therapy. He is unwilling to try therapy or medication, but isn't getting better, cause holy shit, that's a lot of unprocessed shit to deal with.

It's manifesting in really nasty ways, and hurting both of us. I don't think he means the things he says; I think he's hurting a lot and doesn't know what to do.

For what it's worth, I really have not been great to him or myself. I've been dealing with my own emotional baggage, but I'm not going to get into that. I'm working on it, and feel like after many years of work, have come through a breakthrough where I understand that I do in fact want this person in my life.

How can I help guide him to anything that will help him? Doesn't need to be therapy, medication, or a psychiatrist. Those do seem like the obvious answers, but I'm open to virtually any suggestions.

This man is amazing and a wonderful person, but he's really struggling and doesn't seem to want help, but at the same time, seems like he needs/wants help. Any thoughts?

Edit: I'm really touched by all of the thoughtful responses I've received. I don't like to talk about my marital issues with people in my life, and I know my husband wouldn't want others to know what he's struggling with. This is a great community.

I'm slowly working my way through each response. Seriously - thank you all.

Hi, I am (22M) in a long term relationship with (22F) that has been going on for 3 years as of now.

Around the start of the relationship (2-3 months in) I went to a party without her and got drunk. I did all kinds of things that would be considered "dealbreakers". (Kissing multiple people, laying down with another girl during down time) We did not discuss things like that prior to the party. But after it, I felt extremely guilty, because I myself wouldn't have approved of such things. So I told her almost all of it (and it was very painfull for us). Except the fact that I proposed in a separate room to engage in sexual stuff with a couple. They refused but I still did propose. (This feels very very wrong for me)

Now, after this, we rebuilt our relationship and until now it's been going very very great. We are following the same studies and are pulling each others up. Celebrating successes together. Going on exchange trips together. Etc etc.. She loves me from all her heart (her words) and I do too.

Except lately there's been a little too much down time for the things filling my brain. As a result, that memory came back and now, I have a choice. Either I tell her, relationship takes a huge hit on trust and I cause her harm. Either I bite the bullet and live with this guilt but that may come back even strongly (she might notice it since it's affecting me physically)

If you are suggesting the first option, how would you approach it? She seems to be living the dream with me right now so I want to make the landing soft enough for her.

I am beginning the process of divorce. There was no history of anything bad, just general lack of compatibility. We've been together 13 years, and at least the past 3-4 we've been shells of who we were.

Though we both care deeply, we both know we want to be loved differently.

Right now I'm still going between the depression/despair and some irrational nostalgic notion that maybe things could be the way I thought they were (in my mind I know that these are rose tinted memories)

How do former couples get along usually? I'm a child of divorce, where my Mom moved two states away and I went with her. My parents were cordial, I think.

My ex thinks that we should remain friends, but I think that will make the grieving process harder for me. I wonder if this desire to remain friends is a way for her to not fully have to let go. But if you want the milk, you buy the cow.

Should I be wary, or should I be grateful here? How do I protect myself from catching feelings some days and dragging my healing for to long

My best bet has been to meet people at workshops:

• Class of 30 new people each time
• Assertive, inquisitive people (my kind of person) spontaneously filter themselves out because they're the ones asking questions
• Opportunity to approach them at break times, can work in small groups
• Laid back

School canteen. You are forced to spend an amount of time sitting next to a bunch of random strangers, some will be friendship groups. You can tell if they are cool just by listening in on their conversation, and it removes any barrier that approaching them would usually be as you are already sitting next to them. Best come when the canteen is full because then there won't be any empty tables that you'd need an excuse for not sitting at.

I think when you frequent these two activities you are almost guaranteed to bump into your kind of person eventually. Can anyone think of any other good scenarios?

I assume you have read my previous posts, I don't wanna retell everything.

We went to my psychologist. First he went alone with her to talk, and after half an hour he got out and I came in.

I told my psychologist everything about why I needed to break up with him. She understood and helped me through it.

Then she let him in to talk, and I gave a long speech about the reasons why I had no choice but to end the relationship.

I thanked him for all the good moments, all the love he gave me, for being so sweet, and that I didn't regret any of it. I told him that I still loved him and wanted nothing but all the best to him, and I don't want him to die because of me. It was way longer than that but I'm just not in the mood for writing a lot.

He was visibly broken, almost crying, in silent the entire time. When I finally finished, the psychologist asked him to talk and he just said "no words" She told me that I was done for today and I left.

We are not 100% done yet, I need to take my things out of his house, and his family still wants to be in contact with me and I'm more than glad.

Is just... I wanted this, I had the chance to try to talk and fix everything, yet I ended it because I knew I needed to, he has hurt me for a long while after all, I don't wanna be trapped with him, yet I feel so bad right now. I hope I did the right choice. I hope I don't regret it. I'm sad and heartbroken. I Know he is even more heartbroken. But it needed to end. Yet I'm still sad about it. So sad. How long will I still be this sad?

This feeling has stopped me for a while. I already made a post here a few days ago about my feelings about breaking up. I haven't done it yet because I'm waiting will we have at least a session with my psychologist.

The biggest feeling that keeps me doubting is that I may be ending things right before things get better.

I am more than welcomed to live at his house, he knows I'm trans and accepts me, he will be fixing his car, and he will get a new job, so he will be contributing to the finances instead of relying on my money as he has done since the start of our relationship, but I feel like even so I can't continue the relationship.

He had been physically abusive to me, he has confessed to me that yes, he is controlling and codependent, right now he is being sweet and his libido seems to have "come back" right after I told him I would break up with him, but he also told me that he would die without me, so now I'm feeling trap. I don't like it, I don't like feeling trap in a relationship just so he don't get depressed and die. Yes, he can give me some stability, but I still have my home with my mom and I might find that stability elsewhere. I feel like I don't need him anymore to be happy on my own. My feelings are changing, and also I for a long time thought wouldn't be able to find someone else, but a friend has confessed that likes me romantically. I won't cheat on him, they know that and comprehends my situation, but it made me realize I'm not unlovable. I'm also feeling sexy again on my own, in fact, I feel sexier than ever rn.

But I come back to the feelings of "What if I wait a bit and things get better?" while also reminding to myself that I already know what my boyfriend can do when he gets angry at me, just for doing things that I love to do. Even on this "love bombing" phase, he is still so controlling, I changed my phone's lock pin so he couldn't look at it and started interrogating me about it at 4 AM.

Has anyone had a similar feeling?