Howdy, fellow ADHDers. How the bloody hell do you get ANYTHING done at work?

My career history has been pretty varied, but I currently find myself as a quality and training manager at a firm that values neither. Because of this lack of defined interest from management above, much of my workload is self-led, and self motivated.

Which, of course, means that I do basically nothing.

I've been seeing a work coach for the past few months, who is helping to steer my mindset in the right direction, and ultimately it boils down to how easily distracted I am by things I deem more interesting than what I'm paid to do. Which is everything.

The one tool that works for me is a website blocker called Cold Turkey, which literally just forces me to not be able to access whichever websites I specify. It works brilliantly, because there's almost no way to override it, not easily anyway. However, the automated actions are part of the paid for app, which I can't currently afford, so I have to manually push the button that cuts me off from all those beautiful distractions on the internet.

The anxiety this spikes in me is way more than is healthy...

So what tools do you use to try and get shit done?

tl;dr I need to make a programming portfolio but I'm struggling with justifying it to my brain

Hey, so... there's a thing that's been bothering me for a long time. I've never been able to "fit in" at most jobs. I don't really have "a thing I'd enjoy working in" which, in my case, is a problem because I just can't give up more than a half of my time to something I don't care about, it really messes with my brain and I can't stay in that situation for long.

Programming caught my attention because it relies on stuff I'm quite good at. Solving problems, some creativity, more detailed work too. I have a few online courses done so I'm not totally clueless etc. I have an idea of how searching for a job looks now and other basics.

Now, for the main course: I'm trying so hard to find a field to stay in but for some reason it's weirdly difficult. I think it's because I'm not sure what this or that position really looks in day to day life. I was interested in C# and backend the most but I'm not sure anymore. Is it only working on web pages all day long? I can see it's usually commerce and I don't like that too much. I'm open to other languages too, that's not a problem.

On top of that everyone says "do a portfolio" and they're right because that's probably the only way to showcase the skills a person has but that's where things start to get tricky. My mind just refuses to do a project for the sake of doing it, straight up "nope" and it just doesn't want to cooperate. I tried to look into open source projects to help someone else but they're too advanced, I'm in that weird void between courses and real life applications. I tried to ask people in beginner groups if they'd like to make something together but no one answered, nobody I know needs an app for anything too so it's no use.

I think it's more neurodivergency related thing than strictly tech. Trouble with decision making, motivation, many people don't understand that.

My reasoning behind all this is that if I find a project that's needed by other people, I'd be able to complete it. I haven't found anyone with a similar issue yet though.

I had my first appointment today with a new provider - a nurse practitioner - at the third practice I've tried since getting diagnosed with ADHD in January. I'm kinda reeling from it, and I'm trying to make sense of my feelings, because idk if I'm just sensitive because I'm unmedicated for the third day in a row (didn't know if I'd get a refill today, trying to conserve what I had) or if it's a bad fit or if it's just new provider weirdness or what.

Brief history - first provider was through an online practice, couldn't get the Rx filled. Second provider was local, was a truly wonderful fit with fantastic rapport, but she was starting a new practice and ran into problems with state rules regarding prescribing and had to transfer my care back to the online practice. Third provider, again through the online practice, was very perfunctory and disinterested, gave a refill but needed an in-person referral to continue due to federal rules regarding prescribing, so I transferred to this third practice.

The nurse practitioner I saw today was mostly kind but asked a couple questions that hurt my feelings but probably shouldn't have - "Are you always like this??" at one point 😂🤦😭 yes, yes I am - and seemed disinterested anytime I got very deep into any elaboration. I figured out once I got home that he had already viewed the big huge document I shared outlining my symptoms/experience and why I was seeking help, so that's why he seemed impatient with my blathering, though I do wish he had come out and just said that.

Idk what I'm looking for. Experiences, commiseration, validation, anything vaguely resembling relating to any of this - I'm feeling like a real weirdo right now. Like, I understand I'm not neurotypical, that's why I was there seeking help, but it's been a while since I felt it so thoroughly after a conversation, especially when I guess I went in there hoping to come out feeling at least a little understood. Maybe he's not a good fit, or maybe my super awesome experience with that second practitioner has skewed my expectations?

What is your relationship like with your care provider(s)? What kind do you see? How long have you been seeing them? Have you seen others? What were those relationships like?

Anything you feel like sharing after reading this will probably help me.

I've had a 'passion' for programming for all my life, but recently I've been getting into a very, very emotional state over stuff like tooling and small things like that. The smallest things make me go off these days, and I feel so tired after every discussion. Feeling like I am in the wrong or that I don't know what I'm talking about. I wish I could just make it all go away or somehow be happy or succeed some day. I never will tho

I love being outside. I hate the sun. I also hate sunscreen.

I feel like there's a weird split between the reality of having this gross white goop on you all the time (most people don't wear sunscreen all the time, right? Right??) and the reality of the sun basically wanting us all dead.

This sunburn calculator made by a dermatologist will show you how quickly you can actually get burned. Personally, today, I literally can't stay outside for longer than 14-ish minutes (probably even shorter in my case) without any sunscreen before I've had too much sun.

Even on a somewhat cloudy day, I can't stay out there for more than half an hour. I notice that I'm getting too much sun, too. I feel like my eyes are sunburned practically. I struggle to comprehend how skin like this even evolved. People practically shame me for "not going out enough" when they straight-up just have darker skin than me.

...And yet the idea of always putting sunscreen on is like, some kind of social faux pas on top of me really not wanting to. It smells, people notice that it smells, it feels gross, people notice that I'm even pastier than usual. It's like wow, you care about skin care enough to deal with that and spend gobs of money sticking a shot glass of sunscreen on yourself every two hours? God forbid if I actually had lip balm of all things as a man, and wearing clothing that would actually keep the sun at bay a little bit, ahhhahahaha. No. /rant

TL;DR what do y'all do about the sun existing?

Edit: I got over myself and started buying decent sunscreen. And decent SPF lip balm because Jesus Christ my lips are somethin' else. If people think it's weird to not get skin cancer that's their problem.