Hello nice people,

Im in my early 30s and only came out to myself and wife a couple years ago during lockdown.

Fast forward to now, a few years later. I’ve only been with 2 other dudes and basically only once. I’m talking with a guy and we seem to mesh pretty well but I’m feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety over the prospect of meeting him in person. I’m way in my head about it. I definitely want to meet and enjoy what I enjoy but I’ve got a huge mental block which makes me feel like I’m doing something bad and immoral. Even with full permission from my wife and I’ve done this before and thoroughly enjoyed this. My stomach aches and it’s like I hold myself to crazy standards that I myself would look down on someone else if they had those standards too. It’s like I’m homophobic to myself and myself only. I don’t see other gay or bisexual dudes as weak or less than but if I indulge in anything homosexual, it feels like I’m weak and less than.

If anyone has experienced this or knows someone who feels this or if ya have some wisdom or even just a related story, I’m all ears. I know a therapist is arguably the best person to deal with this but I’m curious what the community thinks.

I recently got some Pride merch from my work, a Hoodie with our logo in the flag colors and a tumbler to go with it. We've also been starting regional teams groups and doing poetry and pottery events. Its nice to work somewhere so accepting.

I usually go to a smaller community Pride event and this year my recently out sister is going with us so I am pretty excited for that.

Anyone else got big plans??

I do not believe I will be using Lemmy much in the coming days, and my leadership of this community has resulted in a nearly dead forum anyway. I'd greatly appreciate someone who would be willing and able to take over this community to contact me and start getting this place in more capable hands.