I was just getting into deep hibernation mood as my landscape demands, getting slower, doing only the necessary. The modern world, however, demands of me that I continue work, file taxes, run errands and consume excitement.

I'd want to excuse myself from that bullshit on account of "Can't do anything during the Rauhnächte, mother Hulda is gonna get me!" but in the current state of things that's not really something a person can just say in most places. It would not be accepted to miss work on spiritual accounts during certain times to have enough time to do the much needed travelling inwards and connecting back to the depth.

Late stage capitalism calls this state 'seasonal affective disorder'. Fuck you too, capitalism, guess what, it's you who is disordered.

Comes the holiday whose name i avoid,
with its fake lights
shining with social injustice
and its hollow bells
ringing of consumerism.

Sickly sweet music plays on the streets
Some war rages far away as always
The golden trumpet blowing angels are so tired
And the Santas drown in a sticky sea of coke

I turn my face and retreat
and wish in some forgotten corner of my heart
that the festive season
was real

I send a rare message to a friend
just to check in.
And then the child returns home
just because he wants to.
And another old friend, long ignored,
calls anyway.

And on some thin and fragile plane
almost invisible under the
frantic wallpaper of business
the true spirit whispers
I'm alive

There is indeed a sound: the forest giggling about the nonsensical question, because no tree is ever alone in a forest.

My last few years were a bit of an awakening to the personhood of non-humans around me. During that time it also seemed a lot of other people had similar experiences - of 'their' landscapes talking to them and teach them better stewardship, ask for more mushrooms, bees, diversity in general. Sometimes I felt I was maybe approaching the brink of psychosis, as it was all so strange and different from who I was before. But it added up better.

I integrated these teachings as well as I could into my daily life. Animals need to be cared for, gardens tended, while my mindset shifted from consumer to active participant in life. That means if you use substances to help you understand, you must use them with moderation - because the life around you that you have taken responsibility for needs you to be available. (It also means you have to limit the nonhumans you decide to care for in your garden and stables, as to not be overwhelmed by work).

I've recently come into contact with another one who thought they could take a shortcut to a re-connection with landscape by willpower, money, substances, theoretical knowledge. This person came to the region in a whim to start a new life and went in too hard and lost himself in the process.

Back to nature, back to landscape is no child's play. It's the real thing. And if we are not born into it our way back has to be gradual and gentle. We are permitted to be half feral only, to dip our toe into the wilderness, but if we arrive in arrogance, as wealthy know-it-alls, if we rush it too much - the mountain will shrug us off again.