Edit: A great point made in the comments I want to highlight; while it's perfectly normal to grieve, it's also perfectly normal to not grieve. If my points relate to you, look into it a bit more and consider it, but if not - and you don't connect with it - don't be forcing yourself into a headspace, we're all different!

I think this is a very important and not very discussed topic. Dr. Barkley put out a video about this on YouTube a little while back, and I'd already started considering this well before and I was excited to see it backed by his experiences. I think it's quite important because it can help to make sense of different reactions and feelings and try to gain some clarity.

In short, upon getting diagnosed for ADHD, you very well might (I can't say likelihood) experience some "stages" of grief (order not a given) - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. These phases can come and go, and come back again, and Dr. Barkley has a going recommendation to practitioners to discuss this as part of their diagnosis, but they often do not.

I'll just give my own experience here and I highly recommend checking in with yourself / your supports to consider if you might be in this place and needing clarity, and I hope it's helpful.

• Diagnosis: I was original diagnosed with ADHD as a differential diagnosis, but received no treatment. Things continued getting worse, and eventually a new psychiatrist said it was clearly ADHD and started medication.

• Fake Acceptance 1: I was willing to say I had ADHD, and discuss my symptoms and share experiences. It was all surface level.

• Denial 1: The diagnosis was short; I'd had the differential, but I was surprised how quickly he prescribed me medication. I took the medication, and things were much better (early meds euphoria) but even still, I thought I was probably placeboing. I straight up thought my psychiatrist had prescribed a placebo to placate me just complaining about everyday things.

• Anger 1: No, these meds are helping - and they could have helped me for so long. Tens of thousands of dollars in tuition fees from missed deadlines, rent overpayments, not making reimbursement deadlines, late penalties - decades of deep depression, burnout - when it was so obvious. Why wasn't I checked out? Why did my first psychiatrist give up on me? Why didn't my parents ever notice the many signs?

• Denial 2, Bargaining 1: Maybe eventually I can just develop the systems I need to get by, I won't need meds, or maybe I will, but I'll be able to be at 100% without ever exhausting myself or anything. Maybe this is just temporary, and I'll develop the things I need to get through it. Maybe there just wasn't childhood signs.

• Depression 1: But there were. There were signs, the meds help a lot but they don't solve everything. It sucks. It's unfair, I'm tired, I need a break.

• Acceptance 1: After a bit, I started to really feel like I had a disorder, and it was here to stay. Not only that, but the way that I think is fundamentally different from the way most people think, and I will not relate to most people on a deep level because it's been so core to me. I appreciated those I could connect to deeply, and recognized that things are just going to be harder. Society doesn't need to change - I mean, it could - but it's my responsibility, my burden, but that's okay.

• Denial 3, Bargaining 2: ... but, if I just set up my calendar, and set up alarms, and commit to things, we're good! No issues, I'm sure.

By that I mean what are some powerful and simple basic applied techniques or behaviors that are really useful you've developed or discovered in your life that makes things work or improve.

Lets keep them simple and powerful 🧙‍♂️

Let people on the phone know that you don't mind if something is taking a bit longer and that you're cool and with them whatever happens. Say something like, its okay I'm not in a rush ☺️

They'll appreciate taking some of the pressure off and showing you are a receptive audience (you're rooting for them) and I've found it to get superior outcomes since I started doing it, even tho I was always generally polite previously

My memory is not improving as I go unfortunately. I’ve realized that half assing it on this is not working.

If it doesn't feel right then it's hard (impossible) to give a shit. I hear that a lot here.

Money, grades, the advice of revered authority. None of it works. I just blow it off. And suffer of course. But I'm still poking along.

But a couple of things have felt right. And those things go very well. I can draw, I can write software. I can successfully give my attention to a project like that.

One such thing is meditation. Whatever's going on with ADHD, meditation messes with it. I found the button in the center of my head that makes ADHD happen. It feel 100% right. It's like I found a magic thing.

So if you are an ADHD guy then maybe it would feel right for you too.

I recently had to stop taking my vyvanse due to some bad side effects and holy shit I forgot how bad this was. I can't do anything. I have so much shit I need to do but I sit down to do it and it genuinely fills me with dread. I am just staring at my computer. Even getting to the webpage I needed took hours of convincing. This is horrible, even caffeine isn't helping. What do y'all do? How do you manage?

Hey, first day with Elvanse!

Was pretty crazy, and tbh 30mg are also too much for me. I find it crazy that this is the standard dose people get.

I had 110+ BPM (If my Mi Band 8 is reliable), slight nausea, 0% appetite etc.

I used Modafinil before to cope with my (then unknown) ADHD and there I took ¼ pill, so also really little.

I prefer to be in control, and this was a lot!

The pills are not delayed (retarded??) and a possible consumption way is powdering over a Joghurt etc.

So I will firstly just try 10mg, maybe 15 or 20. I have a pretty good body awareness, that should be enough.

But still, that stuff lasts 14h+ ! That is intense, longer than a lot of other drugs, even LSD.

This also means that my evening today was kinda gone, because I was so exhausted, like in my brain, a pretty strange feeling.

The alternative, Medikinet, lasts 2-3h which is kind of a joke.

Is there something that lasts 8h? A whole work day would be way better.

Why are 3 comments deleted?

I didnt find anything in the modlog, while my other post was removed as it links to Mastodon.

I find this pretty bad, because deduplicating writing effort is not sustainable

Update: now at least 4 comments are deleted.

I started uni 2014 and I've still yet to finish it because of life BS. Dealing with depression / ADHD has made finishing my degree seem impossible for me to do and I feel like an absolute failure everyday because of it. I wasted many semesters attempting clases and then dropping out when my grades weren't good.

My parents both graduated by their early 20s and had me at 23; I'll be 29 soon and I still live with them working at a Walmart to make ends meet and even with that I'm about to be fired for poor performance. I feel depressed being there because I was given everything in life to be successful and yet I wasted my 20s away being depressed / suicidal. All of my friends all have graduated long ago and have better jobs and I get envious seeing them being successful. All I think about is splattering my brains all over the wall.

I don't have a plan to follow, every day I'm just hating myself for wasting my best years over stupid shit instead of focusing.