@magi
@hexbear.net::: spoiler spoiler
it's too much to respond to to just say so
It isn't any trouble more I was making a meal and I hate typing out large replies with a phone keyboard lol
that sounds super awful
I'm so used to people not really trying to get to know me and it's kind of an ongoing thing.
certainly has some traits of it haha
It's easy to see some traits when you know a good deal of them ^^
funny how similar Ash and I are in some ways...
It could be some rejection sensitivity. Worrying about what other people think and such and how you're perceived.
bit of background noise and it's suddenly gone?
Yeah exactly it is like your focus is on something else so you aren't focusing on it as much. It can lessen it because of the distraction.
I like your image better, haha. I like it!
I have a strong affinity with the goblin and it can be a funny way to expreas some of my inner workings and quirks in an easy to explain way. I'm glad you like it ^^
:::
::: spoiler Looong Sorry for the slow reply, I wasn't at the keyboard so waited to type this out when I could
I know NDs are horrifyingly more likely to go through this kind of thing.
Yeah unfortunately it's pretty common unfortunately.
I was expecting them to be kinda glossed over since most people don't think about this stuff like I do - or, like we do
I think about this kind of stuff a lot honestly so it's nice to speak to someone who also does (Ash does too, I think a few others do too)
I have been struggling with this ALL WEEK!!! What do I want, what do I need? I want people to deeply know me!!! That's the answer! Thank you!!
I'm glad it helped! ^^
I'm not sure how I'd take to having to re-explain how I am to new people every time someone drifts away.
It can be difficult, but it's really not that common for me to even get to that stage really. But yeah it turns into possibly years without any friends and waiting for it to come around again so to speak.
that you too are predisposed to worry, but aren't afraid to be your authentic self, and you don't let the worries consume you.
This sums me up succinctly, I do consider how the other person will react and feel, but I don't let the worry become too much and all encompassing.
Partner is like never upset
Your partner sounds very similar to myself, I can get upset but takes a lot to do it. Most of the time I'll let things just wash over me for the most part.
instead of annoying
I don't think you're annoying, Ash would be like that to me too "I'm annoying" or whatever she'd say and I'm the one telling her she's not.. shush you're being silly, that kind of thing.
it's not such an acute thing for you?
I do feel it to some degree the loneliness that is, but it's like most days I don't dwell on it and it comes in spells.. of severity. But it sounds worse talking about it than how much it affects me. I think it's more like if I'm not doing much and sitting with time to think about stuff it can creep in then and depending on mood can affect me somewhat but I do busy myself quite a bit to not really have time to dwell too.
goblin and spiders?
Well the goblin is my self, me my id so to speak, the spiders are just the other kind of sides to it where the goblin will read off a list and the spiders will debate amongst themselves for the goblin to write down. (this is all metaphorical, it's my self talking with various questions posed) I find it funny the image of a nest of spiders in deep conversation with themselves to answer to a Goblin who will eventually formulate the list ^^ it's just me having fun also because of the "two wolves meme" my side of it is the goblin being my self, but there's more that goes on inside with a debate hence the spiders..
:::
::: spoiler spoiler I think it's my strong sense of smell, I can smell it even if it's in the same room, can smell the metallic tinge :::
::: spoiler spoiler I shave outside the shower but I don't always feel when I cut myself :::
::: spoiler cw blood When you shave your legs and realise you've cut yourself when you can smell your blood :::
::: spoiler spoiler Now that you can re-contextualise that it isn't anything to be shameful for it should help in going forward. I think time will heal some of this, and some will probably take work to remove some of the shame you associate with it but it isn't impossible. :::