Hey all, I hope you’re doing well.
So I’m having a pretty tough day today. I’m 25 and decided I wanted to try to date again so I put on my hinge profile that I have chronic pain and can answer any questions. I had a date last weekend and was supposed to have another one today but backed out.
The reason I backed out is because I don’t know what the outlook on my life is right now. I don’t have muscle inflammation per blood test but prednisone was absolutely amazing to me so that means it has to be inflammation of my nerves or something else and that isn’t really good. I’m getting a spinal tap Tuesday.
I feel so guilty even trying attempting to get in a relationship. Like even if she is okay with what’s going on with me, I realized I’m not okay with allowing someone else to have to deal with my situation. Especially since I don’t have a diagnoses currently and I would hate myself if I found my ‘soulmate’ to just then find out I only have 5 years left, especially to someone that is my age.
I’ve always tried to look at the positive side but the only angle I’ve been looking at is the fact there is potential of being able to live a healthy life being on prednisone, immunosuppressants, immunoglobulin IVs, or something like that.
When considering bringing someone else that would be significant in my life in I have to look at it from the perspective that I’ve been ignoring. That it’s possible I could end up wheel chair bound, or find out I likely only have X years. It morally feels wrong for me to go on dates.
This is the perspective I’ve been ignoring and thinking about it yesterday and today has taken a toll. I’m pretty lonely, I would love to have a SO but I just can’t. It sucks too cause I moved here a year ago and was making friends then lost all of them besides 1 throughout this.
Even ignoring the diagnoses part I still feel guilty trying to get in a relationship due to how limited I am cause of my pain. My whole life I played sports, hiked, biked, camped, did whatever physical or fun activity I could and always stayed fit. Here I am now barely able to do anything. Even on all my pain meds. The guy is the one whose supposed to be able to protect and this and that. How am I even supposed to do that? I wish I could get therapy here because I do need it but I work remote and my work insurance doesn’t cover out of state therapy.
I don’t even know if I’m looking for tips or just hearing others stories if they can relate. Just been a really rough day. I think I just finally broke down because I’ve been super strong through this and haven’t let this get me down but when it comes to having a SO which I want, I’ve been ignoring that this whole times because I know it forces me to think of this stuff. It’s so much easier going through it alone than with someone by my side and seeing me like this. Less people to disappoint
Do you ever wonder how normal people would react if we were able to give them our pain for a day? I feel like our tolerance for pain has gone up enough that what we feel on the day to day would make someone legitimately think they’re dying and go to the hospital
Last night I was able to change my bed sheets, make me food, and play with my cat and then swept my kitchen one after the other and I wasn’t in miserable pain!!!!!!!!! Do you know how insane it felt to do that? I cried.
I usually try to change my bed sheets once a month because of the amount of pain it causes me. I hate having to get up from the couch to get food because every single time I stand up it hurts so bad and I’m limping everywhere. I’ve felt like I’ve been neglecting my cat this year because of my pain even though I tried to play with him as much as I could everyday. I tried my best to be able to play with him for 30 minutes a day laying on the ground and doing whatever he wants.
I’ve been on 300mg tramadol for so long and yet I’ve been in so much pain. I noticed a couple hours after I took the Hydrocodone when I stood up to go to the bathroom my entire body wasn’t aching. I was still limping naturally because my hips and legs just get so tight but there was minimal pain!!!!
I can’t believe this. This is all I have wanted. All I’ve wanted was to be able to move around my apartment without dreading every single step I take. I even decided to sweep up my kitchen last night for no reason because I could! I used to do it everyday but then it went to once a week because of how much pain it would cause
Now I don’t know how it’s going to do when I eventually go out and walk around but that will be a situation I address when I decided I want to try going shopping or taking a 40 minute walk. Not just yet though. I will this weekend but I’m going to enjoy my minimal pain as I can currently for the next couple days
I am so glad I just found this app. I’ve looked for a free service for this exact thing for so long but never been able to find one without limits.
I know it’s not Memmy related but it’s from the dev. I just wanted to give a shoutout for this app. If anyone needs to sync or swap music from one service to another check it out! You’re seriously a life saver
I found from the App Store by the “more by dev” section.
With that said, congrats on Memmy on the App Store!! It’s an amazing app. It was awesome getting it in TestFlight and seeing it grow with all the updates
My legs are full on flexing since. This is something that’s new to me. My whole ordeal is relatively new to me which is started a year ago but has slowly been progressing since and new stuff seems to pop up. I did get an emg a week and a half ago and it showed all the muscles in my legs are firing incorrectly and other stuff.
So I went to get the blood test done my neurologist wanted on Monday. I had to wait a while but I’m 25 and there was much older people coming in and waiting so I didn’t want to take any of the chairs they could use even though I knew it would cause me pain. It did cause extra pain and my legs got super shaky as usual. I stood up for a bit and sat on the ground.
One thing I didn’t expect is my legs reacting how they are. Since Monday they have been non stop full on flexing. I haven’t got this before. Ive got it in my chest, neck, traps, hips, and back before and it comes and goes but sometimes stays for months. I’ve had pain and this and that but I’ve never had them thigh to foot just full on flex. They’ve always been tight but this is just something else. When I walk I can just feel them being so incredibly stiff and exhausted. It’s even harder to walk more than usual right now since they are fully contracted (to the extent they can be cause some of the muscles just weren’t working during emg) so trying to swing them back and fourth and bend at the knee is difficult.
I hope this goes away. I’ve had stuff random like this pop up and simply never go away. It would really suck if this is one of the things that doesn’t.
@SpezCanLigmaBalls
@lemmy.world