psychosis

I've never had, like, permanent psychosis, and psychedelics/weed/"normal" drugs have never triggered it.

However, I have had it a few experiences, mostly down to stimulant binges. It usually starts off pretty innocuous, I just get a little jumpy at little things. Then gradually I start to get jumpy at things that aren't really there, mostly just things in the corner of my eye, some ghost sensations as well. I haven't ever gotten any full on visual hallucinations with this, and the tactile sensations don't feel too much like something crawling under my skin.

At it's peak, the big thing is auditory hallucinations. I hear people whispering behind doors, I hear music playing where there is none. It all sounds so real, and while I can make a little bit of differentiation, I can't really. I can usually tell when distinct voices are just a product of my imagination, but whispering is practically impossible. Even worse is the sounds that aren't human. Once, I was hearing the sounds that a computer program I have would make. I went and checked each and every single device with speaker that I owned, and it wasn't coming from any of them. And yet, I could still hear it. Very eerie. Tapping on my window, cars driving by that shouldn't be, bells and pops that don't exist. Another thing that I really don't like is the hallucinated gunshots, and what makes it worse is that once they were real, not imagined. I'm don't touch any weapons (not just firearms, but pepper spray or dangerous objects) when I'm high, much less when I'm like that, so it puts me in a bit of an unpleasant state of mind. Imagined gunshots are usually far off though, so it's not too much of a worry.

All in all, while interesting, it's an unpleasant experience. It's not really similar to psychedelic hallucinations (I've had some pretty powerful auditory hallucinations with those too, but it's really not the same). It's like a fever dream, but with none of the pleasant aspects. Getting psychosis from low doses of a deliriant would probably be more enjoyable, because then you don't have all of the other unpleasantness associated with staying up too long.

I definitely take effort to avoid it now, but earlier on my "usage" was a lot harder to manage, and it happened more often. I know my limits, and when to dose (even if I don't always follow my knowledge). Also, even just low level tolerance helps, because then the high doesn't last "forever". Sleep also gets a lot easier with tolerance and experience (experience matters, even after a relatively long T-break I keep my sleep skills). Being able to sleep just fine after two (very generously) to four hours after an oral dose of meth (oral ROA is the longest lasting, also I currently generally avoid other ROA's, as they are less safe) isn't unusual.

It's not something I would recommend, at all, but honestly I'm glad I tried it at least once (more than once is too much, though). It gives me a lot of sympathy for people that have similar symptoms more long term, in a way no art or description could (not that I wasn't sympathetic before, but I was basically walking in their shoes). Sorta like the inspirational moments a psychedelic experience can bring, but different, weirder, and perhaps more meaningful.

So, yeah. I'm not in psychosis right now, I just felt like sharing some clear neurodiverse connections to some of my SUD.