I'm basically an orchestra with no conductor. The different sections are just doing whatever the hell they want. I need a conductor.
And they all stopped playing music at like 19 or 20 so like…they’re fine at their instruments, can read music, even have moments where they sound pretty good. But they ain’t winning a competition lol
I wouldn't mind if societies also made some compromises for me too. Currently it feels like I'm making all the compromises to fit in but made to feel like it's never enough.
Feels like I'm trying to fix an awful relationship by doing all the hard work myself. I'm tired.
I felt that in my soul and it made me immediately think “Fuck You” and laugh loud enough everyone looked at me.
I'm seriously considering starting a financial management business for people with adhd like me who are in debt simply because they forget to pay the damn bill.
I wouldn't be managing anyone's finances, though, I'd hire people who aren't like me.
If you have enough money to afford a personal assistant, you probably don’t have these problems because you have a personal assistant.
Auto pay saves me $1,000’s a year, that and getting a loan to consolidate all my credit cards so i would only have one late payment max a month, and it’s on autopay.
I have saved so much money with that damn loan and the All Mighty Autopay
I feel like this tells a lot about the state of the society we have where most people can't be what they want to be if they want to also make a living
"doing your chores" is a sedentary live problem where people stay at the same place long enough that their traces are not erased naturally.
ADHD is the perfect mindset for a nomadic society. Stay to long at the same place (and risk ravaging its ressources)? No problem, you'll get bored before that happens and seek a new place!
Sedantarity and land owning is a problem to nomadic people everywhere 😁 Of course this is no longer valid in an overcrowded world like ours.
And it's bad because they're "chores" who "need to be done". In a different structure which recognised the needs of ADHD people those chores would never have been assigned to you in the first place.
I don't think dishes and laundry are a socio-economic problem unless you're implying all ADHD people should always be able to afford household help and assistance. Plenty of people with disabilities and challenges have to deal with chores as a function of being alive, including ADHD people. It's a part of existence that your clothes will need washing, trash will need to be taken out, and I agree that not doing them is a bad thing. The timetable, the consequences of inaction, the associated stress, all of that can be variable and that is where flexibility should be given, but ffs ADHD people should and need to do chores too.
Yes, I think adhd people who can't do housechores should have assistance for it, and in turn they would provide what they can to society. If that is not possible because "they can't afford it" then the system that requires monetary compensation is at fault.
There's plenty of people who like doing chores and don't like doing what adhd people are doing. These two groups can collaborate.
I don’t disagree with you, but I don’t see that happening for a while.
It’s hard enough to get people to say that people deserve to have food, water, and shelter.
Although this does sound like a great “Be the change you want to see in the world.” thing!
You could start a Facebook group or something in your town, make it like a co-op thing!
It's why I say it's a socioeconomic problem and not a personal problem.
Also my hands are quite full in the mutual aid department, 😁
Would I hate an ideal world where people with bad ADHD have people to cook and clean for them? No, but it's not social injustice; just life. It's a personal problem in the same way losing an arm is a personal problem; to an extent society has a responsibility to help you cope with it, but it still sucks to lose an arm.
I wonder if it comes from the whole 'nuclear family' concept from the '50s. Just the idea that each person, plus a partner and offspring, must be self-sufficient, living on their own little kingdom in the 'burbs. I often think about how if we took human differences and ability to specialize to apply to living conditions, and not just your job (which we aren't that great at either, but better), then we might be using bigger groups of people with more sophisticated living arrangements. But is that all just hypothetical, or do people actually live like that anywhere in the world or history?
Yes that's very close to the truth I believe. Humans and their ancestor species lived in such mixed societies for hundreds of thousands if not millions of years before they invented farming as hono sapiens . It's our natural way to organize.
No. You don't get to deny the very real PERSONAL harm done by this condition. No amount of socioeconomic changes could ever stop the personal problems.
Nobody denies ADHD causes personal harm. But the cause of that harm is the rigid society not being facilitating to people with ADHD.
I think it's a personal problem too, because the human condition itself demands certain tasks that we might struggle with, but I absolutely understand what you're saying.
Despite my positives with ADHD, like being able to flip between constant emergencies all day, and getting constant praise for my work, my last job was threatening to fire me because they noticed I was 1 minute (literally 60 seconds) late a few times.
Good riddance to 'em, they had no idea how much effort it took to get within that margin with traffic patterns that change literally every day. They were also okay with getting there ridiculously early and jusy idling their SUVs in the heat until they could go in. Clown world.
I find that's somewhat of a norm systematically. Society will think it's "fair" to hold everyone to a standard of constant ridiculous feats of executive function that have no tangible effect on outcomes, measured by raw numbers at face value, and use this "data" to determine your worth as a person.
Despite my positives with ADHD, like being able to flip between constant emergencies all day, and getting constant praise for my work, my last job was threatening to fire me because they noticed I was 1 minute (literally 60 seconds) late a few times.
yes, but this a very clear example of what exactly I'm saying, no? This is not a requirement of human nature or something. It's just an idiot boss.
Absolutely! I guess I wasn't arguing against you so much as saying "Well it's a bit of both."
ADHD makes society's ridiculous mandated coercion much more difficult, but it also gets in my own personal way when there's things I want/need to do and it purposely sabotages me, y'know?
It definitely creates a negative feedback loop. Socioeconomic pressures on ADHD brains make the personal tasks worse, which in turn make the socioeconomic ones more difficult, and round and round we go...
I'm glad we can agree mutually on something with absolute certainty though: my boss was indeed, an idiot. 😉
Like how else is it supposed to work currently? Who wants to deal with people's trash? Who wants to transport people around at 4 am in his bus AND have to deal with the shit attitude of people on top? Etc.
Some people like doing work like that, the thing is just that these jobs are treated like trash and underpaid
You know, that’s a great point. I’d totally do a “shit job” if it paid decent and be a ton happier. I’m trying to organize and lead and only doing it for the money, and I hate it.
Yup. There's an appeal to a simple job that you can just do and no larger stress beyond the physical. But if that job involves waste of assorted kind, then you gotta pay enough and treat people with dignity.
For me it's more of a neck problem usually when I'm cooking or washing dishes and I'm only 6'
Some people like doing work like that
Thorsquint.jpg
Liking something and settling for something are very different things. Most of society is built up around excellence and providing those who can with opportunities to do so.
The big issue with this is that it can make tons of people feel guilty for never living up to their aspirations. Mediocrity is frowned upon yet it's the majority of the bell curve.
Go to a job you don't hate, don't hurt others, enjoy life when you can.
Not everyone wants to get the "greatest" career path with getting a bachelor etc, sadly I don't really have anything outside of anectdotal evidence that there are really people that prefer doing a job like garbage worker or cleaner.
I don't really get what you are trying to say
Everyone respects a person who is doing a job well.
It’s only when people aren’t, that we notice at all.
We need to compensate people well for this sort of work. There are a lot of people doing this work right now who are not compensated fairly for this work.
Good point, there are tons of people who can do it. Hence no need to pay them much, since enough do it for less. How to change that? If the people above, saying they would do it for more money, actually do it... What about those doing it now? You only need so many bus drivers etc. and obviously when too many apply higher qualifications will win. Can they do what they did previously?
That's the funniest thing about payscales and such. They're far from the meritocracy we're sold from our first birthday.
Ask France what happens when their garbage stops going out.
Or hey, you also mentioned bus drivers, I couldn't pick just one article about city and school bus drivers striking, but in road-dominated societies, that's a pretty big deal.
So really, a ton of this is simply recognizing who does the work that actually keeps society going. If people like waste management and transportation and other services were actually treated with respect, they also wouldn't have to deal with as much "shit attitudes" either.
But instead, they're constantly pointed at by the communities they serve, who say things like "You don't wanna be a garbage hauler or bus driver...study hard so you can one day sit in a corporate office and make six figures contributing nothing to society!"
That changed sometime in the last 10-20 years.
Now you hear people talking about how good those jobs are and how well they pay.
I’m like 99.9% certain that change happened because of those robot arms on garbage trucks.
That’s all it really took.
They still pay well, and it is not all sunshine and roses, a dump will still stink and trucks will still have to be washed, but it’s not anywhere near as backbreaking now.
I wish I could figure out if I have it. I asked my doctor how to get diagnosed, he said I’d need to talk to a psychiatrist. I got a referral and tried to setup and appointment but they said I couldn’t be tested since I have no history of it. They instead want to put me on antidepressants but I’ve gone through enough of them to know that ain’t what my issue is.
Mental health care in this country is a fucking joke.
If you really think you need to be medicated, try different doctors until you find someone who specializes in ADHD. The rest have no clue what they're doing and regularly try to treat the symptoms of ADHD (such as depression about how much your life is coming apart due to ADHD) instead of the cause.
I honestly don’t want to be medicated, but I’d like a diagnosis to help me find strategies. I’m middle aged so have figured out how to live with the brain I have but it would be nice to not have to struggle against my nature so much.
I’m probably just lazy or easily distracted, or disorganized, etc. and am looking for excuses.
If you don't need medication, then a diagnosis doesn't has much more to offer honestly. The same stategies you can discover without a diagnosis as well. Look for ADHD meetups in your area perhaps, or ask around here or in !adhd@lemmy.world
Good advice, thanks. I am not ruling out medication, but I would hesitate to put one of my kids on it if they were diagnosed and so I am hesitant for the same reasons. The reason I’d like a diagnosis though is that I am pathologically unable to act without data. I’d feel like a complete imposter at an ADHD event unless I was sure I was one of the ranks.
Perish such thoughts. None of us cares to ensure your "adhd purity". If you feel you find value from adhd coping mechanisms, then you are welcome to the knowledge
thanks, I do appreciate it. it's a me problem though that I'm working on.
part of it is I suffered a brain injury last year and I'm still unsure if my faculties are fully intact.
Believe it or not most people with adhd are pretty accepting of other people. I've never seen anybody with adhd try to gatekeep.
I hope you find what you're looking for :)
Have you tried contacting a Behavioral Health Clinic? They mainly treat addicts or chronic mental illness, but they're qualified and a distinctly separate profession from psychotherapists.
Guessing you're writing about the US? Unless you're a user on a clearly country-specific server, a large chunk of users do not know what this country is.
That’s what they’ve done with my daughter. It’s clearly adhd, but they want to start with antidepressants (Prozac).
I just wish they’d treat the poor kid so she can start feeling like a normal person. She struggles so much. It doesn’t matter what she does, she’s doing something else immediately. She can’t focus on anything.
Just like the meme says though, she a good musician and artist. Anything else though and she’s just stuck. I hate it. I should have dealt with it sooner.
@theangryseal
This seems to be the way a lot of doctors are choosing to start..
I really think starting with treating the adhd and, if desired, a coach or therapist to work on coping techniques.
My sons and I went through this journey and the antidepressants were all horrible…. Mood-altering horrible. Helped nothing in our case.. but also found many on the Interwebs that have had similar experiences.
Hey dude. That whole experience with the psychiatrist sounds wrong. Of course you have history. And that in no way qualifies or disqualifies you from getting a diagnosis. In saying that, I agree with db0 in that a diagnosis won't necessarily help. You can absolutely look up strategies and routines, tips ect on how to improve your experiences and try applying the ones you like and see how it goes. Psychiatrists might diagnose you and then want to put you on medication because that is their job and how they get paid. The cognitive behavior change work is usually done with a psychologist, in groups and in your own time. There's some great worksheets available online if you look around.
well, I've got other stuff going on, depression and a brain injury last year that I'm still working through. on top of that, as a kid in the 80's I was tested for ADD but at the time they were more looking at the inattentive behaviours. however, I'm pretty sure I'm the other side of that coin and ADHD didn't become a thing (at least mainstream) 'til several years later.
anyway thanks, I really appreciate the advice.
But only "pretty good"! Which sounds neat but that is just one step above "foundational" and good luck getting to mastery after skipping that, and finding the whole proposition a bunch of bullshit and really pretty good is enough, let's do the next thing and the next until we lose a few more forgotten "pretty goods" for lack of practice!
Oh well, at least I can rotate between behavioral addictions for constant distraction
Try “we enjoy things we dont suck at”
Regardless of how few things i believe this is true for most people.
If you don't care about it then you shouldn't be investing your (valuable, finite) attention in it.
So all that weak stuff, be slackful about it. Squeak by on the halfassed minimum.
And the stuff that matters, do it perfectly.
That's what every great artist/inventor/scientist/philosopher/etc has done since forever.
Some of that "weak stuff" includes things like:
ADHD is a fucking struggle mate. And your advice is oblivious to the realities of the struggles and life.
The greats are often famously slovenly, antisocial etc.
And here you are, pushing mere shame.
Your shame seems small, comparatively .
This is some serious r/iamverysmart over simplicity. Nothing I said was shame mate.
I like living without stinking to high hell, having teeth that aren't rotting and infected, and not being covered in rashes and fungal growth because I am maintaining personal hygiene.
I love having friends. They bring me so much joy, happiness, shared interests, and introducing me to activities I enjoy.
Listening and not being constantly stuck in my mind allows me to build my knowledge and wisdom instead of some neckbeard elitist iamverysmart intern hellion.
I don't mask anymore, but I'm also not going to be some shitstain that believes they're the next "great" just because I am not nerutypical and have a false belief that the greats are-just-like-me because I'm neurodivergent.
Ah, "shitstain". No shame here.
It sounds to me like you care very much about fitting in etc. Well more power to you.
But some of us don't.
So you do you. And don't pretend that you know how to do us.
Practice a little humility.
Yeah, because clearly everyone without an ADHD diagnosis is a calm competent person with their life together. /s
