Drink some oil as well. Partially to displace the stomach acid, but also to allow for the kernels to pop.
I heard something about pacemakers occasionally being left in bodies by mistake, and becoming small bombs in the crematorium ovens. That's gotta be a trip, the first time you hear that shit.
And then you probably have to get the oven inspected, to make sure the incident didn't damage the gas lines. And that probably costs at LEAST a few thousand dollars. And probably tens of thousands, if something does need to be fixed. So, like, I'm pretty sure the boss is only going to let one of those slide, maximum, before you're out on your ass.
Or take out each heart and yell Kalima! No way to miss the pacemaker this way I think.
/S
The body is often "prepared" for the funeral before it is cremated, so tape a couple hundred dollars to your chest with a note asking the preparer to leave your guts intact. Usually an underpaid apprentice does this, so there's a chance they'll go for it.
An old coworker of mine at some part-time gig went to school and studied "Mortuary Science". Absolutely fascinated me. He had a second job at a crematorium where he was an apprentice.
After him telling me that, I realized that I never thought about how someone got into that field. Never really considered someone going to school to do this as a career (which now I realize is obvious, but I never connected the dots).
Always assumed people working at a crematorium or a cemetery was a cliche old decrepit guy.
Also maybe see if you can wolf down an entire pickle. The cremator may be a pickle-with-popcorn kind of fella.
Is that a thing? I've never tried eating pickles with popcorn. But now I'm kinda curious.
Unless it's just code for some weird sex act. Then, probably not. I don't want to lick anybody's briny dong.
Popping is boiling, but you need the area around the kernel to be hotter than boiling. Outside you need oil.
So really, you’d need to shotgun blast them into your own belly fat to accomplish cremation popcorn.
Or drink a slurry of peanut oil full of popcorn kernels.
Jesus christ I’m on a list now
Popcorn pops at about 180°C, and execution by electric chair apparently gets you to 100°C, so no.
Actually no, popcorn’s a specific breed of corn. I think. Small enough kernels to withstand pressure longer or something like that.