You must not have cats. My cats love me, and are excited to see me when I come home.
I was going to comment this too, I have two "puppycats" that love hanging out, they're more like room mates than pets. 
Cats have self respect which is confused for disdain. If you have a cat flap and your cat comes back, you know your cat has chosen to live with you.
A dog would lick your balls all day if you let it. I don't understand why that's a desirable trait.
A cat will leave an abusive owner and never come back but a dog will stay, just in hope that the owner will stop being a cunt one day, dogs are pathetic.
A dog also needs to always be in your mind, it's like looking after a two year old, you have to consider the dog everywhere you go. You just put food down for the cat and leave it to it.
I get your point and having owned a bunch of cats and doing the foster dog thing currently you encounter all kinds of personalities on dogs. Some might bite your junk off just as well
because you are the can opener operator.. and they know this, because they tried to do it themselves. and failed. that's why all that stuff got knocked off the kitchen counters.
More "cats can't love" bullshit. Do my cats get excited to get fed? Sure, but so does my dog. Cats can and do love. There's a zillion different cat personalities out there. Some are more lovey than others. One of my cats bugs you all day for affection. The other one will lounge on the bed or the sofa all day and never mess with you, but has an extreme appreciation for when you go snuggle her.
If you think cats don't love, you're just blatantly wrong. And I'll bring all my black clothes covered in orange and white hair as receipts.
I think that many dogs are super intrusive, therefore people don't need to make any effort to get their attention and love. That feeds their ego. With cats it's a very different story.
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I used to be one of those loser "dog person" guys who believed that BS about cats, because I grew up with a dog. Then I got into a relationship with a girl who had 2 cats. We now have 3 cats 😂 I love them so much, and they each show their affection in a different way, but they all love to cuddle or want to be close.
Boomer humor.
Was part of the humor of the past “lol things are hard to understand” or does it just seem that way?
Maybe it was the lead.
Dog having panic attacks when they don't see your face because we bred it into them. Forget the name of the condition but also can happen in humans.
And living stuffed animals. It is sick to see how many have health issues cause they 'look cute'
Though that's not limited to dogs, some cat breeds also have bad health issues. Never buy "purebred" anythings!
I mean if you're ignoring the cat and saying that only the dog is important to you, then duh the cat isn't gonna like you. Shocking how much distain people have for pets that you actually have to get along with instead of them just loving you unconditionally...
Appears to be by a cartoonist Eric Decetis
The card seems available here: https://www.cardmore.com/products/my-can-opener-birthday-card-eric-decetis-30472. (His own site http://EricDecetis.com seems to redirect to that shop)