What's your favorite piece of bullshit advice?
If you swallow appleseed(s)
Smoke some cigarettes. The smoke will suffocate the bacteria
—Mac
If you swallow appleseed(s)
Smoke some cigarettes. The smoke will suffocate the bacteria
—Mac
"You've got to love him -- he's your brother, after all."
Yeah, he's my brother who would get angry and destroy all my things when we were young, my brother who sexually abused my youngest sibling, my brother who launched into a homophobic rant against my mom during a time when she had cancer, a brother who cheated on and verbally and physically abused his first wife, a brother who probably drove my nephew to suicide.
No, fuck him. I don't love him, and I never will.
Yeah I'd say that's got to be triggering to hear. How do you respond to "advice" like that normally? Assuming it's from someone who actually knows your brother.
I never have any response that's likely to be edifying or helpful, so I typically respond with, "Well, I don't," and try to disengage. That's usually enough.
"Respect your elders"
Nah they're the ones who destroyed the economy giving free reign to corporations, set the planet on fire, and let cops run loose murdering and stealing as they please, fuck them
“Walk it off”
— coach
No, my torn ligaments need to rest and heal, asshole, not to endure further trauma. Get me some ice!
"Undercover Cops have to tell you if they're a cop," or other variations I remember hearing all throughout high school.
Somehow though, organized crime hasn't figured out this one simple trick to ferreting out undercover cops in their midst, just ask them.
Also: "Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die."
"If you were just more positive you'd not be complaining about being depressed all the time".
And/or
"Have you tried just being happy for once?"
Putting in my unasked for opinion that we should popularize 'flail it til you nail it'
I don't know, this one has pretty much carried me through the last 40 years. There's definitely worse advice.
Yea same here but in a different way than what people usually mean. Don't fake being rich until you are. I was and to a certain extent still am socially anxious and bad at talking to people and holding conversations. I started faking being more socially adept than I actually was by copying people I knew who were extroverts and by observing peoples interactions in the wild. Eventually I did get better with both and have no issue with either, although I do need some time to recharge later on after social interactions.
YOLO
It's like a mantra for bad decision making. But it should really be used the opposite way. Like... I better put my seat belt on because YOLO.
And the silly stepsister of this saying: Calm your tits!
Very useful when you want the opposite reaction.
Related query: Is there such thing as vaginal prolapse?
Also: are you Dwight Schrute lol?
Yes, there is such a thing as a vaginal prolapse but... That thing is really hooked in there! And no I am not Dwight.
Im scared to look 😫
Wow, 1/3 of women will experience. Ladies, why do your genitals hate you so much?
This happened too a stray kitten I found years ago. She had gotten pregnant and this happened. We had to put her down.
Burn your garbage. Burning garbage makes smoke that goes up into the sky and becomes stars.
Smoking cigarettes will suffocate the toxins in the apple skins sitting in your stomach.
The moment you depend on it to not live on the streets, then you don't love it anymore.
"Count your blessings."
Useless fucking platitude that's synonymous with "You aren't the person who is absolutely the worst off, so being upset with your lot is inappropriate."
See also "At least you have your health."
My company switched up retirement plans and they held a seminar to explain them. The person running the seminar said that we should be putting 15% of our salaries into retirement.
Nice idea, but if I put 15% of my salary into retirement, then I wouldn't be able to pay my bills. I'm not living extravagantly or anything (buying something for $20 for my enjoyment seems like a splurge to me). Still, whenever I seem to be getting on a better financial footing, life throws me a curve ball. Need new hearing aids ($3,600). New a new dryer ($750). Might need a new car soon.
So either I need to be paid a lot more, I will be working until I'm 90, or I put away the money and go deep into debt but can retire. (Just kidding. I'm nearing 50. I likely won't have enough to retire. Maybe when I'm 80.)