Not this time

Please don't, I know how it feels which is why I know it can get better, it's not easy but life is worth it friend

I dunno if any techniques really work. I've read so many from so many sources. There are things that absolutely work for so.e situations for me but not reliable for many others. I enjoy comedy and humor in every form/area I can find it, sometimes dark or sophomoric, but hey funny is funny (i do have lines, like hurting people etc.). So, I also sought out humorous and humorous reactions to techniques and therapies.

Spite. I'll be damned if some other entity, being or thing is going to make ME think less of myself than I do. I give myself a hard ass time but damnit, I know I'm a good fucking person. No one gets to say worse shit about me than ME. I KNOW I'm a fuck up, I KNOW I suck, I OWN it. I accept it, its a rainbow and we can't all be on the top bow, shit sucks. There is ALWAYS someone better but, that means there is always someone worse. But I know I truly care and try too. I know I make decisions I think are moral and right, and try to correct my mistakes. Even if I do fuck up more shit and show someone else just how stupid I am. At least I'm out here fucking trying. So, Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you (current mind goblin, someone angry at me probably in my imagination, stationary objects giving me a hard time?) for trying to make me think otherwise!! Fuck this shit, I'm staying around to make everyone miserable, if I'm such a piece of shit to deal with (intrusive thoughts on how I must be perceived or doing in life)guess you are just going to have to deal with me being here and being a piece of shit. Or, help me figure this shit out or go. And, fuck you and your fucking attitude, I'm not gonna stoop to your level and I'M going to be nice to my friends and shit even though your a total asshole, since I'm such a FuCkInG WeIrDo (has actually helped me be randomly nicer and more patient w/people/things while stabelizing...my own mind games?)you twat. GTFO! Why the fuck should I want to off myself, all these other cunts I read about in the news don't deserve to more than me? FUCK. THAT.

After time it feels like it has kinda built up, and I am actually my own best friend when I tap into it and feel a little warm fuzzy ...calm?...begin to start to seep in.

My fall back if that really can't do anything for me or there is just no energy for this. I have some people and quite a few critters that still rely on me. Never had kids, did get attached to animals and have a very emotional soft spot them. My parents have no other children and were a little older when i was born. I cannot not, cry and sob thinking of the scenarios that exist, if I do not. Thanks Christmas Story ghost and It's a wonderful Life??

Worst days, this may spiral into a dread of dying and Final Destination type thoughts, I still take these as better and can work from there.

I'm a bundle of fun and surprises! Awareness of where some reactions and issues stem from, medication trials, and good people that let me vent so I can hear myself, have really helped to get me to where my bizarre tools work. I also really try to at least lightly meditate periodically and do some regular yoga. I don't have a very active job and exercise does help with some of the physical problems that can build up and lead to down cycles.

Maybe you've tried something like this, if not maybe? I'd say couldn't hurt but...Careful not to swing to manic if that may be an issue for you, sometimes I can get myself quite riled!

Find even a tiny happiness, like, oh I dunno, making and posting memes? And make it your happy place. Don't try and make it your only tool, or your happy place may wear out. I also found forcing some other stuff like meditation time, exercise, thought exercises, makes the happy place time even better effective.

You make my happy place better and I appreciate you, as I know many do. If you ever need to rant rave or spew weird shit to get it out there are lots of us here who would think it an honor to let you vent. If you ever need help, we are hear to lend whatever assistance we may be able to provide, even if you are so far away ... we'll figure it out or someone who knows someone who knows someone... in Canada ... (you've been around, it's a small fediverse, I SWEAR I'm not a stalker...just a mostly lurker).

Allllrihhhgttyy then (my fave Canadian, sorry), hopefully in the least, I have distracted you from something for a moment and maybe helped you smirk, or look disgusted at my grammer and punctuation. I really do hope you find something that helps you and makes it all a little less miserable, more and more often, sometimes happy is a big goal and feels heavy, but I want that for you too!