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lol, the Bazingatruck starts at $60,000

Starting at $60,990, Tesla's Cybertruck is priced 50% higher than initial estimate

https://www.reuters.com/business/autos-transportation/tesla-deliver-cybertrucks-after-musk-tempers-expectations-2023-11-30/

Tesla's long-delayed Cybertruck will be priced starting at $60,990, over 50% more than what CEO Elon Musk had touted in 2019 and a cost analysts have said will draw select, affluent buyers.

Starting at $60,990, Tesla's Cybertruck is priced 50% higher than initial estimate

Unsurprisingly the Muskrat lied about everything else too wojak-nooo

71 comments

Pastaguini

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Sickos

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Though I also would buy the Homer.

LordBullingdon

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LaGG_3

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It's more like $61k, but I'm honestly surprised he didn't make it start at $69,420

GinAndJuche

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That’s reserved for the prememium model

YearOfTheCommieDesktop

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kelly

InevitableSwing

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I can imagine a couple guys in Tesla's marketing department talking about it.

"Elon's putting out a premium model at $69,420."

"That sounds about right for his middle school mindset."

"It has a WeedHolder and a SexButton among other features."

"Really? Or did you make that up?"

"Yes."

GinAndJuche

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Sex mode would be what he calls the button that lays the seats all the way back.

A built in bong would rule. Just hope the low quality assurance didn’t miss it getting contaminated with exhaust.

InevitableSwing

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"Dude, disconnect your bong! I told you not to buy an Elon Truck!"

"What are you talking about?"

"This morning a guy in LA took a big toke and his lungs caught on fire and he died a horrible death. He was Tiktoking at the time. It went viral."

"That would be a serious quality control issue if in fact—"

"It sounds to me that you need to be deprogrammed."

GinAndJuche

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Inb4 Elon creates a combustion model to deflect the narrative, the carb is located in the gas tank so you’re getting extra diesel while you smoke that diesel cuz we heard you liked diesel, dawg.

BelieveRevolt

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That would be in keeping with all these HECKING EPIC features Teslas have: https://www.tesla.com/ownersmanual/modelx/en_us/GUID-79A49D40-A028-435B-A7F6-8E48846AB9E9.html

LaGG_3

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Fun can come in surprising ways. Select your preferred fart style and target seat. Use your turn signal or press the left scroll wheel when you’re ready to “release” your prank. For those lucky vehicles equipped with a Pedestrian Warning System, you can choose to broadcast externally when your vehicle is parked. But wait-- the fun doesn't stop there! Use the mobile app to conduct remote emissions testing by touching and holding any of the four quick control buttons and selecting the fart button.

God fucking damn it.

BelieveRevolt

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This is from the mind of a 50 year old who many consider some kind of supergenius.

the_post_of_tom_joad

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So it has a virtual whoopie cushion under each seat. I don't even know anymore, man. I'm going to bed

InevitableSwing

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I wonder what percentage of Tesla drivers follow this warning.

Warning

Use these features only when Model X is parked. Always pay attention to road and traffic conditions when driving. Using these features while driving is illegal and very dangerous.

BelieveRevolt

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anakin-padme-2 Surely they don't work when you're driving?

anakin-padme-3

the_post_of_tom_joad

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Did you just invent 'meme-ium'?

GinAndJuche

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I can’t have been the first to add two letters to premium lol. Too many keyboards being smashed away at.

PM_ME_YOUR_FOUCAULTS

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took-restraint

Cummunism

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Check out this test crash. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Zg34aSkuuY

They only showed it at 35 mph because going at a real speed like 65+ will get this thing obliterated unlike most other cars that deal with physics and not just "ME HAVE STRONGEST TRUCK." Crumple zones are for beta cuck soyboys.

the_post_of_tom_joad

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"Because of the low center of gravity, this car won't tip over!"

proceeds to show car nearly rolling over at 16mph

hasan-ok-dude

emizeko

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it reaches at least 40 degrees if not 45 degrees

this was probably the highest speed rollover test they could get that wouldn't fail

LeninsBeard

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16 mph is such a specific number, this has to be the answer

Cummunism

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suck it beta cuck soyboys, im gonna experience a rollover in the grocery store parking lot.

Meh

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¿pǝɹǝƃƃᴉɹʇ noʎ ǝɹ∀

Adkml

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Also "if you get in a disagreement with another car, you win"

Literally admitting were just in an arms race of who can drive the vehicle that's most dangerous to other people.

CannotSleep420

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Chud jousting.

BelieveRevolt

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Even worse, wasn't my-hero 's original plan to not have airbags at all?

edit: I bet Elon's asked why they don't make the planes out of the same material as the black boxes.

Abracadaniel

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No, the concept renders just didn't have airbags.

sexywheat

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Wow that got absolutely rekt - what is that, 50 km/ph? That's like driving-through-the-suburbs speed

HexReplyBot

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I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

BigHaas

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A full frontal collision at 65mph would liquify you no matter vehicle you're in.

FnordPrefect

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melon-musk "Well, our market analysis returned: 'lmfao, no one who spends more than a minute thinking about their purchases will buy this TRON looking truncated shit wedge'. So we decided to capitalize on their insights."

BelieveRevolt

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”We decided to pivot to another tried and true marketing strategy: say that this garbage is so expensive because it's meant for rich people, not some ordinary pleb.”

AntifaSuperWombat

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Yeah but consider this: When you and your family die in an accident due to the lack of crumple zones, you can just use the intact cybertruck as a family coffin and save the cost of 4 seperate ones. The price makes total sense when you start thinking like a true businessman.

Tankiedesantski

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A proud and noble tradition for American industry.

ashinadash

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Do you have a source for this quote? It is elusive and funny. American engineering.

emizeko

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https://nationalinterest.org/blog/buzz/meet-m3-medium-tank-it-had-two-main-guns-and-was-%E2%80%9Ccoffin-seven-brothers%E2%80%9D-100442

Tankiedesantski

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I got it from the national interest link emizeko posted below, and I didn't want to link to that rag. However, that sentiment pops up pretty regularly in actual history books by credible authors but I didn't have any copies on hand.

silent_water

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ahh but if the battery explodes on impact, you'll also need to buy coffins

LeninsBeard

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But when the fire department takes 5 hours to put the lithium fire out you get a free cremation

silent_water

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don't people still put a coffin in the ground after a cremation? I was really confused when I learned that.

Sickos

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I hate that I love it so much. Too many vector graphics video games when I was a kid.

Saeculum

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We are together in our terrible taste in aesthetics.

silent_water

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really? it like a shitty mark up of a sedan. I don't understand who this is supposed to appeal to

Sickos

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Me, apparently

SmokinStalin

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Love the honesty

GarbageShoot

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People who like polyhedrons

ProfessorAdonisCnut

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I have an affinity for the aesthetic it's trying to have, but it doesn't actually succeed at hitting that look anyway. From most angles it looks like a shitty cardboard Halloween costume version of itself.

4zi

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You could just get a king ranch at that price and have an actually working luxury truck with power to it

emizeko

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"Finally, the future will look like the future," [Musk] said about the truck's design

did you know that the future looks like some crap from a 1970s movie

Adkml

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In the same article it says the design was inspired by the aquatic car in a bond movie.

The future looks like the future, by which I mean a classic car from a 30 year old movie.

chungusamonugs

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Imagine being so car brained that you think personal transportation, particularly one where every human drives a 9000 pound truck with 100s of pounds of rare earth metals mined by child slaves, is the future.

SmokinStalin

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Bruh at least Rivian makes shit that looks nice.

Adkml

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Seriously the only way this thing was going to compete with rivian was by being 20k cheaper.

Now it's an uglier shittier less practical worse made vehicle for the same price with the added benefit of anybody who sees you in it is going to assume you're a dumbass at best and a tool.

poppy_apocalypse

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Looks like the rover in moon patrol for the 2600

gabaghoul

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I'm pretty sure there are some drawings in my parent's attic of this exact vehicle that I drew in 3rd grade.

GrouchyGrouse

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At that price it better come with an animatronic Don Knotts that drives it for you.

emizeko

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it looks like shiiiiiiiit

LordBullingdon

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Frogmanfromlake

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of course it is. All the chuds talking about getting this while driving their beatup pickup trucks will be in for a rude awakening.

BoxedFenders

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I doubt they're the ones cooming over this vehicle. Judging by the crowd of fanboys that paid out of their own pocket to attend this release party they are rich techies. And the market for vanity trucks costing over 80k in the US is huge and growing every year. Just in my apartment complex alone, there are now TWO Ram TRXs crowding our small parking lot. That is a $100k 700 hp truck with no practical utility for actual work.

Kuori

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but think of all the fun art you can scrawl on the sides with your keys

Adkml

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In their defense idk if there's anything chuds love more than going into debt so they can drive a giant useless pickup truck they absolutely do not need.

Spend fucking 90k to walk away with a 4 foot bed that's so deep you can't reach anything un it without climbing into it

GarfieldYaoi

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It's poetically ironic how much the upper-middle-class will spend all that money just to look like us poors.

From the white-collar suburbanite that calls himself a 'redneck', to the CHUDs with sparkling pickups, I like to refer to them as 'cosplay cowboys'. What's worse is that they're making their LARP somewhat real, look at how much cities, especially walkable cities are rapidly gentrifying, while the wasteful consoomery suburbs that cosplay cowboys prefer are now the closest thing to a place where us poors can live.

So in some sense, suburbs are where both the rich and poor live together for wildly different reasons.

SorosFootSoldier

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Should be to the surprise to no one, his cars are for rich techbros they're luxury vehicles.

Adkml

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They very much are not luxury vehicles.

They've got panel gaps you can stick your hand in and a button to make fart sounds.

It's a luxury vehicle as imagined by 6 year olds.

the_post_of_tom_joad

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The only people buying this are collectors. I cannot wrap my head around the concept that the pictures are of the production model. Did Elon draw this himself?

fox

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In fact he did

RyanGosling

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And the collectors are tech bros who have never touched dirt in their lives who want to pretend they’re rugged blue collar people. No actual worker in the trades or construction will buy this junk

Spongebobsquarejuche

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Sushi_Desires

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Calling it now, it will run at least $85,000 ($90,000 to activate the heated seat feature that is already installed in the seats) once they actually start making them, and running over a pothole in one will instantly shatter the spine of the driver and front passenger

ProfessorAdonisCnut

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Please daily drive one, Elon

oscardejarjayes

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Yeah, but the cheap $60,000 dollar ones are still a ways off.