Fuck, this hits close to home. Big part of the toxicity in my marriage was my wife (who had been diagnosed without telling me…) treating me like everything I struggled with was normal and everyone else managed despite it.
Ah, bigoted members of the minority they discriminate against
See also: "We can't let men transition to female or they'd all do it! I'm a man and I'd transition in a heartbeat!"
To add salt to the wound, she came to terms with her adhd shortly after we broke up. Suddenly she became much more understanding of the things that created so much friction for a decade and a half. It took us breaking up for her to learn some fucking compassion for my neurodivergence in general.
Audibly chuckled at this. Out loud.
The highest honor my people can give. All those years of trauma, worth it.
The thing I'm wondering though is where is the line drawn? If we say: let's catch up, make a time and you forget, who's job here is it to be understanding? I understand that things do happen, for anyone, and that's life, but if it's repeated it's not like calendars don't exist.
Genuinely curious as to where people think the line should roughly be when being understanding to those with diagnosed ADHD, who ask for extra understanding.
This understanding of ADHD is literally based on memes, so please don't hate on me too much. Open to learn!
I know this was 3 weeks ago, but I can assure you the guilt we feel when we fuck up is horrific. The point isn't to make excuses, but know that we might need a little more help and patience. A call/text the day (hour..?) before. Send a calendar invite to us, instead of hoping we do it for ourselves. If you care about someone, little things like that go a long way.
Like any disability, or really anyone, we have to understand our limitations. For instance, "asking" me to be a note taker in a meeting is an immediate no. That is a limitation I have and something that can be accommodated. Record the meeting or have someone else do it.
The main problem is we are a bottle of carbonated shiny glitter. Shake us up too much and that part of your brain that can interject before we do something stupid is gone. There goes any emotional control or rational thought. Don't shake us at all and we will be looking for dopamine source after dopamine source, for better or worse. With enough pressure, we can function good enough. Most of the time...
To give another personal description of what it can be like. Imagine yourself in a loud restaurant full of people. You can hear what each person says, every clink, the music, the AC, footsteps, all of it. That part of your brain that can filter out the noise and allow you to hear the person talking to you at your table? Gone. Every sound. Every sensation. They all have almost equal priority in your brain and you can't make it go away to just one.
All of us are all over the spectrum of executive dysfunction. I am too tired to give this anymore thought right now, but best thing is to not expect us to magically be better, recognize a meltdown and walk away, and give us awesome problems we can solve! I like fixing things. Hyper focusing on things that matter makes me feel good, especially if it had a real positive impact.
This makes me hopeful, I just started a new job and I'm killing it, but I know it won't be long before the excitement dies and the ADHD boogeyman comes rearing his ugly head.
Stop having ADHD because it's inconvenient for them. Then again I've also had people demand I leave my scent sensitivity at home. Like how I wish I could.
