First wish: all humans turn blue for 24 hours after masturbating
Second wish: reverse all human digestive tracts so food goes into anus and excretion comes out of mouth, trump style
Third wish: reproductive organs are all non functional for reproduction specifically and humans mate by doing The Polka for 6 consecutive hours.
Love, Satan
Third kind of makes the first one pointless. Unless that is, you consider doing the Polka by yourself masturbation.
You still feel horny urges, but baby can only be created via intense accordion action. It'd be a real blessing, the most effective form of contraceptive available.
Notice how I said reproduction specifically. You could still pleasure yourself. and yes solo polka would also count as masturbation
Shit damn. I can't masturbate OR polka without turning blue? That really is diabolical.
Funnily enough, the third wish is actually one of the most positive things that can happen here.
Now people will fuck each other all day without having to worry about getting pregnant. No pills, no implants, no hormone. It's just good ol' pleasure now.
1st wish: bring all insects together into one mega organism blob that slowly traverses the earth consuming anything it touches
Just a FYI, most bed bugs are immune to insecticides already.
Tests and studies have shown that insecticides work as well as water for killing bed bugs. 25% kill rate and lowering each year.
The best tool against bed bugs is heat (Steam cleaner) or Diatomaceous Earth.
The time I had bedbugs we killed them with an ant's insecticide. Looking up the active chemical found its banned in the US and the EU because it induce abortions and fetus malformation.
I think that just results in billions of dog sized bugs being dead no? Isn't it a lack of available oxygen in the air that keeps their size down?
Granted, every flying insect becoming as large as a dog and plummeting to the Earth instantly would be fucking horrifying.
The inverse-square law means that most insects lack the body structure to withstand their own weight at that size, which would mean a horrifying moment or all insects growing and then imploding under their own weight.
You guys are all ignoring the most fundamental law of physics: Monkey's Paw Law.
"Grant the desired wish in the most unpleasant way possible."
Hidden Effect: Phyics now supports bugs the size of dogs.
"I'ma boutta singlehandedly bring the worldwide prices for gasoline and ammo up a cent."
By a lot! It would also cut every overdrawn bank account by half :)
Unfortunately it's just "bank balance", so actual debts outside of that wouldn't be touched.
It would get worse. Cash reserves are for working class people; the rich mostly hold stocks which appreciate over time.
that's just a fancy way of saying:
imagine you have two children and live in a system of gavelkind succession. now consider the share of one of the children. then forget the children and make that share the new bank balance
XKCD 2741 Alt Text: "I wish for everything in the world. All the people, money, trees, etc." "Are you SURE you--" "And I want you to put it in my house."
He would have lost focus babbling halfway through his first wish and never reached a coherent request.
Of course I know the taste buds in my colon (TBIMC) can never be cured, but my doctor told me that with proper diet and excercise and Poisantin, my TBIMC could be monitored, putting me in control of the size and sensitivity of the taste buds in my colon.