Dear Blåhaj community! I have an important question to ask! Mr. Haj and I have been struggling with our in-bed relationship recently. He wants to be held and I want to hold him, but I don't want him to feel squished or stomped upon my me. I want him to feel as good as he can, while also feeling my love. I am very self-conscious about my disgusting masculine body-oils and I don't want them to get on my pretty haj. Also I don't want to lay my head on him, because that might hurt him. He might say that it doesn't, but I think he just says that to make me feel better (he's really sweet). After a while of trying to hold him in a way which can make both of us happy, I tend to get sore after about five minutes, after which I have to put him on the side... But he's lonely over there! What if he thinks I don't like him because I'm putting him on the side? I want him to feel the best he can, but I feel like my presence in the bed is bad for him in most ways. He has to endure my stink, my disgusting body-oils and my rants about the world. I feel like I'm dragging him down and I am willing to change myself to make him feel better.

What do you think I can or should do?

No fluffy shork photo I’m afraid but I wanted to share a nice story.

I’ve been dating an mtf girl for about 6 months now. She’s been on hrt for about 3yr but is still very socially anxious. We’ve been going out grocery shopping and whatnot to get her a bit more exposure to being in public presenting as fem - with me there to anchor and help in case she gets overwhelmed.

Recently, we went to Ikea together to look at kitchen shelves cuz my kitchen is a disaster. She was forgetting her anxiety a bit and we were having a nice light conversation winding our way to the exit and I jokingly asked “do you want a shark?” as we walked by the crate of them.

She asked me if I knew, I said I did. She turned the cutest freaking shade of red I’ve seen and said she didn’t think she could ever buy one without an anxiety attack and stumbled over her words a bit. Cute as fuck. 🫠

I knew what had to be done.

Next day I went back and went straight to the bin and bought literally just a shark. I’m super cis and masc but the self checkout cashier definitely clocked that I wasn’t buying no shark for no kid or nothing. Got a smirk on the way out. 🤣🤣

Decided that instead of just giving it to her I had to surprise her somehow.

She’s living in someone’s basement right now month to month and my roommate is leaving, so we’ve been considering moving in together - it would be nice to take turns cooking and be closer together but still have our own space to retreat to if we want. We’re both super introverted.

I decided to hide it in the closet of the vacant room and wait.

Two days later, she comes over and we’re watching random shows and cook a nice dinner, just hanging out doing our own thing after eating. I’m absorbed in assembling the shelves I bought instead of the ikea ones (sry ikea your shelves cost too much) and she’s on her phone on the sofa. She says she’s going to check where she might wanna put her furniture and I had to try super hard to be cool and be like “sure hon” without letting my giddiness creep in.

I stood up slowly and crept to the hall until I heard the gasp and went in and gave her a giant hug. Many good tears on both sides. She says she never imagined someone giving her a stuffed animal could make her cry, glad it did.

She and her new shork are moving in later this month and I’m super excited. 😊🦈💜