Hi there. Things have spiraled out of control lately, I don't have a stable job at the moment and when I do, I mostly work from home.
I urgently need to establish some kind of routine and find a way to follow it. Productivity isn't even the priority as I do have a good amount of free time. Problem is that I don't use this boredom effectively at all.
I wanted to know if there are books/guides that could help ADHD people establish routines and how to keep them up. I'm autistic too, which means I greatly benefit from routine.
Thanks for any kind of advice!
I feel a little bad for asking for help again..
So I need to do something. I have no idea what though. So these are things to consider for me:
I would like to know what kinds of things you found in your lives that worked. Thanks!
I've spent some time reflecting yesterday and I realized that. When people want you to be confident they don't want you to be actually confident, they want you to pretend you are. It is idiotic and makes no sense, but it explains a lot of situations in which I behaved the wrong way.
confidence to me means the opposite of that. it means questioning your asssumptions, approaching things from a different angle, reflect, recalculate, asking for a second opinion. Because I'll end up with greater confidence that my assertions are more truthful. But apparently doing all that makes people think I'm insecure. Shit!
I don't know where the purpose of my life is. I looked where I last saw it and it isn't there anymore. It's like losing your keychain. All I can do is hope I forgot it somewhere at home because I sure can't go outside without it. I wanna find joy in things again, and it is so difficult to get you shit together when everything feels so meaningless.
The more I look for the keys the more I fear I lost them for good. Which makes me not wanna search for them at all and just distract myself with random stuff. I think that describes my situation quite well.
Anyway I'm sad. But I hope you all are doing okay!
I have been planning for ages to clean up my room and remove the spider but since I've been depressed and my executive dysfunction has been at work, I didn't do anything about it.
Guess what happened today - the spider caught a fly and is happily feasting right now. So turns out I haven't been all alone lately - both the spider and I have been in some kind of hibernation for some time. The spider also doesn't initiate smalltalk so I think it is fair to assume it is autistic too.
Anyway I've posted here lately as I haven't been well, so I'll just let you know that I feel a bit more positive about getting shit done and change things for the better. hugs (for anyone who wants one)!
I honestly feel bad posting here again, I feel like a burden. It's just me struggling.. so feel free to skip this post and look at more interesting things
the past two months have been much tougher for me than usual, and when I am not doing well, my capacity to interact with other people is pretty close to zero. I feel a very strong desire to be alone. Having other people notice that I am not well is pretty much the worst thing - I can't talk about what's wrong, and every time I tried my best expressing myself it didn't help. All I really get is advice that does not work for me. So I usually try to pretend I am okay, but at a certain point I can't even really do that anymore.
problem is I'm not living alone. I've skipped quite a number of meals in the past week because I don't want to get into conversations that I don't want to have. I feel like it would be disastrous unmasked, that's why I go this far just to avoid interaction. both of my roommates judge me for spending so much time in my room and I think they tell me to get out every time they see me. I never know how to react to that. Being open about my mental health isn't a good idea - it will end up in them giving me advice that might work for neurotypical, and then they'd blame me if I don't follow their advice. They already kind of do that. I've told one of them about my diagnosis but I don't really think that has no meaning for him.
I feel pathetic skipping dinner anything because I want to avoid social interactions. But in all honesty, I still think it is not worth the stress.
apparently r/anarchism has been in lockdown for quite some time now and they link to their own reddit alternative called raddle.me, which is not fediverse integrated, sadly. they also have a long list of alternatives, but lemmy isn't one of them
That seems to be the case because lemmy's main dev is a ml. (edit: meaning 'marxist leninist, apologies for not being clear on that)
It's somewhat sad for me because the whole philosophy of the fediverse is anarchistic in its core, it is how it should be, it is how the internet should work. So I wondered - what are the biggest anarchistic communities in the fediverse so far?
All code on the blendermarket is GPL. Yet, it sold over 25 million dollars worth of software. No DRM on the assets, all free software. Free as in freedom, not as in beer. In spite of that, I have not seen once anyone in the blender community complain about piracy, let alone have I seen anyone distribute any software or assets sold on the blendermarket unofficially. It just isn't a problem, or at least not more of a problem than on any other DRMed closed source alternative.
Around 10 years ago the developer of a closed source renderer called Corona ranted about Blender's GPL, as it prevented him from integrating his renderer into Blender without disclosing its source code:
Because entire Blender is covered by GPL licence, it is forbidden to link anything closed-source to it (not just commercial as in "you pay for it", but anything closed-source, which includes "it is free to use, but I won't give you my source code") [...]
We thought there were some loopholes, but it turns out the "Free" Software Foundation thought about them too and explicitly forbidden them. [...]
So, Blender has unusable licence. That is fine, any software developer is entitled to the choice of licence. If somebody wants to make a 3D studio legally usable only while not wearing underwear, he should be able to do it. What makes me angry is the whole FREE software ideology/advertisement. FSF goes on and on about "protecting users freedom". Their interpretation is:
- being able to choose from free plugins: freedom
- being able to choose from the same free plugins, plus also commercial plugins: less freedom.
- Forbidding good Corona renderer integration for Blender is freedom. Allowing it would make Blender less free. [...]
I am not saying the OSS concept is wrong. There are other, much better and really free licences, like MIT/Apache/... If Blender would use any of them, we would start Corona for Blender right now. Too bad it uses the GPL bullshit. I feel bad for Blender users, because they will never have any fully-integrated commercial renderer plugin :/.
He feels bad for what? For users having a thriving software ecosystem with license that ensures it stays free and open forever? The Corona Dev wrote this 10 years ago, probably without realizing that blender was already on its way to become the most widely used 3D application. There are plenty of people making money developing comercial plugins for blender - and they are all GPL.
It makes me think about how much we all have been gaslit by the tech corporations that without DRM and that whole subscription-licenses nightmare they would run out of business. It is not true and we can point our fingers to the blender ecosystem to prove them wrong. I don't know.. I haven't seen anyone point this out yet.
I am currently in a social event and I am too exhausted to have conversations, so I figured I just pretend I'm busy texting by writing this post. I have to stay here for at least two more hours and I have two more (social) things to do tomorrow.. one of them I'll probably cancel because it is just too much but I did not think of an excuse yet.. I feel dishonest and I really hate it, but I also didn't have really good experiences coming out as autistic.. it has never felt accomodating and often pretty invalidating. My depression has been hitting harder than usual, which is extra hard because I have to pretend I am okay just to avoid interactions I can't handle right now. So anywhere I'm not even trying to make a point here I just need something to keep be busy and not make me look weird. Anyways, wish me luck idk, I'm really not enjoying life a lot rn :I
Edit: thanks a lot everyone! I read the replies several times, it has been reassuring and as a plus it kept me busy yesterday. :)
recently two friends of mine brought up autism in a conversation. one of them knows about my diagnosis and the other one is a nurse and regularly works with autistic children.
They brought up lots of things I disagree with and that kind of hurt me.. They said things like "there are severely autistic people and there are others that are pretty chill" "being autistic is fashionable these days" "people use their autism as an excuse for bad behavior" "autistic people should keep their diagnosis for themselves because society is not really ready for that yet"
I tried to argue against it, but I wasn't really good at that. I also didn't feel comfortable to say I am autistic. I felt really devastated when I got back home. I texted one of my friends (the one who knows I am autistic) and said the whole conversation made me feel really bad.
Since she is gay I said that I am feeling the same way you would feel if two of your friends talked about homosexuality the way they talked about autism ("being gay is fashion these days" "people use their homosexuality as an excuse for bad behavior", "gay people should stay in the closet because society is not ready for them"...) She got really angry at me, literally told me to go fuck myself and that I am victimizing myself...
I feel so hurt by this. invalidated. I don't know.. I just wanted to share :I
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