TIL about the concept of Weaponized Incompetence, which probably explains every issue you ever faced in a bureaucracy
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Weaponized incompetence - Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weaponized_incompetence
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weaponized_incompetence
I think it’s more commonly found in domestic relationships as well. It’s probably most often used to just avoid housework, such as laundry or dishes and other things that men see as “beneath them” (hint: it’s not). Or in the case of people supporting the entire household, it’s not seen as a fair division of labor to also do housework. If one is doing all the work outside the home or paying the overwhelming majority of the household bills, why should one be doing housework too? What responsibilities does the other partner have? So one just F’s up basic jobs and soon the other partner takes over out of frustration.
It can also be seen as the male equivalent of withholding sex when partners are in conflict. For women, withholding sex is commonly used as a form of punishment in relationships to show displeasure at a man’s behavior. It’s denying their bodies to men, which they have every right to do, it’s their bodies their choice, sex should be consensual. For men however, that specific tactic is almost meaningless in many cases (there’s always exceptions to be sure), as women, on average, tend to have a higher tolerance for forgoing sex than men do.
Enter weaponized incompetence. Men are typically relied on to do most of the “grunt” work and many repair jobs around the household, their bodies are used to affect change on their environment. So if they simply withhold their own bodies to be used to repair or move heavy objects or whatever, that’s also their prerogative and it can bring a household to a halt. Nobody can force you to fix an electrical outlet or change a flat tire or repair a washer/dryer or whatever else men are relied on for. Men can simply deny the use of their bodies for basic things that everyone else takes for granted, it’s their bodies their choice, labor should be consensual.
Withholding anything from your partner, is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
I've seen the strategies you describe play out from both roles. It's not pleasant. The partners are stuck in a game they're trying to win rather than focusing on the partnership. And everybody suffers
In my personal life I've come to the decision, from experience, that if I'm in a relationship with a partner who starts to withhold from the relationship. The relationship is over and I need to move on. It's been great for my mental health. I highly recommend it